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I have 14 & 16 yr old girls, My ex has them, They see lcsw, older daughter raped at 12 yrsold, lcsw told dad to keep kids away from mom, I dont understand why. I am not busive in any way, I did not know or have part of the rape. but daughter blames me still

Iwas told by thier dad that they dont wanna see me for at least a few months and he stated that they dont want to even get any christmas presents from me, but I talked to the olest daughter she states she never even said that and that hse was told that she would get into trouble if she was found to be talking to me, I asked her by who she said by her theripists and her dad, I guess if they feel that I am a detriment to my kids, then I would kind of understand, but I am not abusive and I have not done anything that would warrent such actions, to this I dont understand, I mean that theripist saying to keep the mother away from the kids for a set amount of time, I thought that they would encourage family togetherness opposed to seperateness, so I have issues and I wonder who if any body is telling me the entire truth.

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Asked by candyney1168 at 8:36 AM on Oct. 18, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (9)
  • Maybe she blames you for not protecting her. You also really need to see a therapist and get a good lawyer. Best of luck

    Answer by Steph319 at 8:55 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • Sorry, but what is ICSW? Other than that I would say same as the previous poster, get some therapy yourself as well as a laywer to help you fight this, and let you talk to your kids. Who raped her? Was it a family member on your side? Did it happen at your house? Did it happen while she was in your custody? There are so many factors why the court would not want her with you, but the big thing is this, she is now 16 and old enough to tell the court that she doesn't want to see you or hear from you. I know this is hard to hear, but when she has you on the phone she may be telling you she didn't say that to protect herself. I would request the documents where she has made these claims (or therapists have made claims or suggestions). Then go from there.

    Answer by smilinghug at 9:11 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I am so sorry that you are in this sittuation, and it would break my heart not to be with my kids (of coarse I gave my first up for adoption 12 years ago), so I understand somewhat of what you are going through. I was raped when I was 13, and I totally blamed my mom, why....because she loved my BF and told me to stay with him even though I told her that he was controlling and abusive, she said that wasn't possible he was too nice. So I stayed. He raped me, then she beleived me, if I could've gone somewhere other than with her I would've in a heartbeat, the last person I wanted to be around was my mom for YEARS.

    Answer by smilinghug at 9:13 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I don't know if you situation is anything like that, but I pray that you are able to find peace, I forgave my mom when I was 17 and pregnant myself, then and only then did I realize that she loved me. I wish you the best!

    Answer by smilinghug at 9:14 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • This is very hard to answer because I don't know the whole story. Did you know the person who raped her and could you have prevented or have protected her? If the answer is yes then this could take years or forever for her to forgive you. I also believe that there must be a reason why they don't want the girls to contact you. The best thing you can do is see therapist your self and show them how sorry and how much you truly care, but right now you need to leave them alone and work out you own problems. Good Luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • Unless a judge has ordered you to not see the children you need to get yourself into a court room with or without an attorney to help sort this mess out. A therapist does not have the right to keep your child from you. At their ages I doubt that anyone will be able force the kids to visit you but at least you will know where you stand legally.

    Answer by coug70_99 at 11:46 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • ok if she says that i would have to wonder what the dad has been telling the therapist about you to make him think you are a bad influence on the girls - also i would be worried that the girls are being used and so keeping them far away from you will keep them from telling you what is realy going on - its not hard for someone to make a child fall back into a bad situation since they are already vulnerable - what if the girls are being told that they could get hurt more if they tell you whats realy hapening... i would find out now before you are completely blind sighted by something major in your kids lives!

    Answer by vakatia at 4:53 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • Why does Dad and the therapist think you're so bad for the girls? There must be a reason. If Dad is lying on you and you can prove it, you could go to court. I have a feeling you should go to counseling yourself and delve into your own issues and your behavior. Once you have a handle on you, you can be a help to your children. Good luck, I hope this all gets better!!

    Answer by shmorris56 at 9:32 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • Call the therapist your self, or the courts who arehandling the custody issue. This is not right if you truly aren't "bad" for them. I wouldn't let this slide, fight for your children in a lawful positive way. Goodlcuk

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:37 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

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