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2 Bumps

I'm Confused and my heart feel like its breaking? What would you do?

So, my husband wanted an open marriage because he is bi. how the past couple of months have been PURE HELL! I feel like i'm a maid, taking care of everything in the home/all the yard work. our sex life has basically disappeared b/c i put my foot down on the whole open marriage thing.
so, i have a friend who has made my star of hope for years. he's sweet kind caring, I know he has a thing for me and i him since as 15 and he was 16/17. we've been best friends and the shoulder for one another to cry an lean on for years. H gave my friend the ok to hook up with me! I know that if something were to happen between my friend and myself it would not be pretty afterwards on my DH end because my friend and i have always been sort of attached and the past couple of months i've been thinking of leaving him b/c i can't deal w/how he wants to live his life.

what would you do if you where in my shoes?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Sep. 17, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I have an open marriage and it has not been easy; plenty of bumps and bruises. But it really sounds that you have resentment and a communication breakdown in the marriage and that is more devstating on a marriage than being open. The question I think you need to answer is this; "How commited are you to your marriage?" If you are commited to working on the relationship, this discussing your feelings, using "I" statements and not accusations could help. If your not commited, then be honest and seek divorce.

    But marriage, no matter if open or closed; goes though cycles of good times and bad. It's not unusually for arguements to months exspecially when the reasons for it can drasticly change the relationship. Do you still love you husband or is that gone? If you focus on your love for him, then I feel that things will work out in some way.
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 12:21 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • It sounds like you need to take stock of your marriage and decide what it is you want. Do you want to be in an open marriage? Do you want to be single again? Do you want a faithful marriage? Then once you decide what you want, you need to talk to your husband. Because if he doesn't want the same thing or isn't capable of giving you what you need to be happy, then you have to deal with that.
    zava_t

    Answer by zava_t at 12:05 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I would leave.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 12:06 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Well..your husband doesn't sound like he wants to be committed.. What would I do?.. I would leave.. Would I go with the friend? Eh, I don't know. Sometimes sex in a friendship can ruin it..
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 12:05 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I don't believe in an "open" marraige. I have a policy of ending one relationship before starting another. And... is your husband practicing safe sex? If my husband came home and said he wanted an open relationship I would tell him to get an attorney because I would be taking half of everything in the divorce.
    Mommy2Gabrielle

    Answer by Mommy2Gabrielle at 12:05 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Honestly, it sounds like you want a monogamous [sp?] marriage and if that is what you want, then maybe your hubby isn't for you. I am not saying you don't love him, but maybe friends would be better with him since he cant give you what you want in a marriage. I think before you do anything you need to decide what you want in your marriage and if you can't work it out with hubby then maybe you need to leave him and find someone who can give you what you want. You deserve to be happy and your children deserve to see you happy. Happy parents = happy children. Divorced parents are better than parents together you cannot either get along or be 100% happy with one another.
    BeckieLea

    Answer by BeckieLea at 12:06 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • If it were me personally there is no way I could be in an open marriage with a bi man. He obviously dosent take his marriage vows seriously and will more than likley cheat on you since you didnt agree to the open marriage. Hes saying its okay for you to sleep with your friend because he plans on being with other people too that dosent sound like a marriage and your dh isnt likley to change. I would get a divorce and take things slow with any other relationships you may develop you dont want a rebound.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 12:06 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • sounds like your marriage is over
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:08 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • i would tell my husband how i was feeling. maybe your husband wouldn't care if you guys split up. since you guys haven't had sex. maybe he would. although i can't really say if i was in your shoes cause i wouldn't know since you didn't say that you still love your husband. like i said though i would tell my husband how i was feeling.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 12:08 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I would move on out of the relationship. It sounds like you and DH are not going down the same path. If you are not ok with that, then it's best that you split.
    Whether or not you get with your friend, is another story but I'd give yourself time to get over one relationship before getting into another.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:08 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

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