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2 Bumps

How do I tell my SO that he is emotionally abusive?

How do I deal with it? Should I just leave or should I try to work it out with him?

Answer Question

Asked by noahsmommy12908 at 12:12 PM on Sep. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 19 (6,645 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • If you don't know how to tell him, then I don't think there's anything left to save.

    Answer by SWasson at 12:14 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Try counsellng.

    Answer by Mommy2Gabrielle at 12:14 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • if your married try if not just leave.

    Answer by melody77 at 12:34 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Would he see a therapist with you? Perhaps in that type of environment, both of you could be free in your feelings and thoughts. If he is verbally abusive, he probably has potential to be physically abusive. If you can't either talk to him on your own, or he won't go to a therapist, then I would leave with the idea that if he won't get help, you are done.

    Answer by GiGito1SoFar at 1:03 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • You should never take abuse no matter what kind from anyone. I was in a similar situtation. I loved him but I loved myself more and I know myself worth so I left. Do not let anyone degrade you..... Male nor Female.

    Answer by msbrewton at 1:22 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • If you have children together, then you must definitely should try to work it out. Try counseling, both on your own and with him. You owe it to your children.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 1:53 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • How do you "tell" him that he's abusive? Do you think he doesn't know that he's abusive? Do you think that his being abusive isn't his choice? Is this something that he needs to be told?

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 2:13 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • The chance that your SO will believe you is probably pretty small, emotional abusers in my experience don't think they are doing anything wrong. They think it always the other person's fault for how they feel, because they are controlling and manipulative they tend to turn it around, they also don't like being out of control so they are defensive.
    If it was me, I wouldn't come right out and tell him he's emotionally abusive. I would tell him how I've been feeling and why you feel that way. Tell him you'd like to go to counseling (abusers sometimes have a fear of abandonment thus the control - so maybe he'd be willing to go). My husband went because he didn't want to loose me but refused to do any of the work, he even told me the counselor was stupid, because he didn't want to admit anything was his fault. If you want to attempt to save the relationship then try but don't expect to change him he has to want to change

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:30 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Get a tape recorder and record him. Play it back to him. Maybe he will get it. My hubby has to take classes sometimes at work (Army). And he will come home upset cause he's decided that he's verbally and/or emotionally abusive. I kinda laugh it off, cause we are the same towards each other. It's not really so healthy, I guess, but I don't feel it's one sided. And I don't feel he really is abusive. Not all the time, not really abusive. I've been in an abusive relationship. This isn't like that. But it bothers him, for a while anyway.
    I guess I would also have to say it depends on HOW abusive your SO is towards you. If it's not so much, but starting to get worse, then speak up, and speak up now. Speak up loud. And be firm. You need specific instances. Things to back up what you are saying. That's why I say record him. It startles people to hear themselves.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 4:23 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

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