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My deal to get married.

My fiance is like $38,000 in debt and hasn't really worked since august of 08. He did some side jobs here and there. He finally got a job on Friday and starts Monday. I had originally told him that I didnt want to marry him untill he could show me that he wanted to pay off his debts. He's got bad credit and if we get married mine will become bad. He hated that idea and thought i was just trying to make up a reason not to marry him. Well I made him the deal a few days ago that if we can save up the money for the rings and the reception and the dress and tux we could get married. Is that a fair enough deal, or am i being unfair?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:10 AM on Oct. 18, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • I dont believe in Ultimatums but that is pretty reasonable. If he loves you then he needs to show you that hes not gonna drag you down with him. It should not effect your credit though if you marry him. Just dont have any joint accounts/credit cards for a while.
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 9:14 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • Of coarse it will affect her credit, if they get married it's the whole what's mine is hers what hers is mine thing? If he has bad credit then they won't be able to get a house, and if they do because of his bad credit they will have a higher interest, same with any other property that they buy. If you are able to attain credit, then you will be in charge of the bills (I am assuming) and make sure that they are on time.
    OP: However, if you are feeling that there is an ongoing problem with his debt accumulation, as well as his job status, maybe you should reconsider marrying him until he proves to you that he can be a worthy spouse. I mean like the previous poster said, he needs to show you that he isn't going to drag you down as well.
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 9:18 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • i would see to it that he started making a dent in his debt.
    myboogiewoogie

    Answer by myboogiewoogie at 9:19 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I would not marry a loser like that at all. See you in divorce court sooner rather than later.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • alright to PP.... not everyone in debt will end up divorced... at least she is being smart about it. I agree with you that you do need to save up the money... going into more debt just to get married isnt smart. GL
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 10:52 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • i totally agree with you, that is alot of debt and i think if you got married without the ultimatum (or honestly at all) he might think that you'll take care of things ie paying it.
    imanixon2

    Answer by imanixon2 at 11:04 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I think he needs to spend a year holding down a job and rebuilding his credit before you consider marrying him. Unless he has a darn good reason for being out of work and in debt this is the way he has chosen to live his life. It tells more than one would think at first glance. He is most likely unreliable and impulsive. Are you sure you want to marry someone with those qualities? You could spend your life supporting him and digging yourself out of debt he gets you into.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • When you marry someone you do not have to combine credit just keep doing things the way you are doing them now being married doesnt mean joint credit cards or joint anything exept what you want it to!! I guess I feel you are being a little unreasonable because I got engaged almost 3 years ago and he is still making excuses not to do it, it's either this or that and he wont just say iv changed my mind which would be fine but anyway.... The whole credit thing you can get around that doesnt make him a bad person just a little irrisponsable and even if you marry him it doesnt have anything to do with you unless you want it to!! Now the job factor is what I would have a huge problem with he needs to have a job and keep one that is the only ultimatum i would have!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 11:44 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I dont think what you did was wrong-but I would first have him file bankrupty-only because if you marry him then it could become your debt-like if I marry the guy i'm with child support would take my income taxes to pay for his kid....not gonna happen. most debt incurred before you marry him would be his debt alone-but it could prevent the two of you from getting loans for a car,house, or other things down the road. It wouldn't "ruin" your rating but it would hinder it when you try to make something "ours". Not unreasonable to look out for yourself. and if he cant take action and respect that and make changes that would benefit BOTH of you-then I wouldn't marry him anyway!
    ChickenShark

    Answer by ChickenShark at 11:57 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • Money is one of the main factors brought up in divorce. Research it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

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