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6 Bumps

Too soon to tell? What does that mean?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 11 months. We dated each other once before, for a year and four months, were engaged, and had a son, but it ended because we rushed in to things too quickly and our relationship suffered as a result. We took a break, and got back together several months later. My question is this. The relationship has gone remarkably better than the last did. Last night, he and I were at dinner, talking about our relationship, and I asked him where he saw it going. He said it was too soon to tell. What does this mean? Other than the obvious. That he isn't ready for marriage yet? That he isn't sure if it's going to fall apart again? I didn't think to ask him these things at the time, but I'm curious what others think. As for as how long we've been together goes, we don't factor the other relationship in to things, just how long we 've been together in this one.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Sep. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Personally I think if you don't know after 11 months, then you're not with the right person.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:38 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Maybe he just don't want to rush it again/..
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 12:39 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I would assume he is fearful that it will fall apart like before. Take it slow and see where it goes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 12:39 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Honestly it doesn't matter how long you've been together, I always think it's silly when people think they need to be together for a certain amount of time before they can talk about the future or about marriage. It's about the relationships. Plenty of people only need a couple months to know if the relationship is the right one and they go on to successful marriages, then other are confused for years maybe. I think with all your history he should be able to at least talk to you about what you guys would like in your future.... that doesn't mean you have to get engaged, but at least talk about if he wants to be married to you. It sounds to me like he has a fear of commitment. But talk to him about it and figure it out. Tell him you need some assurance that he has plans for you in his future.
    aacg12

    Answer by aacg12 at 12:40 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I do think it means he's not ready for marriage but I think what he really means is that he's afraid of commiting only for it to fall apart again. That doesn't necessarily mean he thinks it will or that it is not working out, it's just simply "too soon to tell". You said you rushed into things before so maybe this time he is trying to make sure the relationship doesn't end up like it did before by taking things slower this time.
    jessicarae787

    Answer by jessicarae787 at 12:40 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Like you said.. It means the obvious.. The relationship is not at a point yet, or he is not at a point yet, in which he can safely say what the future holds..

    My honest opinion.. That was the smartest thing to say, and the smartest way to be thinking. If he isn't to the point yet, or feels the relationship isn't to the point yet, to make definite plans.. or.. give you hopes that may not come to fruition.. or.. doesn't want to make you think something is going to happen that isn't... Then he did the best thing in being honest and telling you that it's too soon to tell.

    I would think of it this way.. How shitty would it be of him to tell me of a bunch of great plans, hopes, dreams for the future.. When he really wasn't sure.. and.. it all turned out to be BS. And none of it came to fruition. That would hurt me, and cause more conflict than what he stated. Disappointments are only as big as the expectation..
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 12:42 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Personally I think that you may not be "factoring" the time of the other relationship but he is. He may be saying to himself that you have to make it past that mark again and everything be going good. That is how I would see that. also he may NOt be into the idea of marriage and such for now.

    Good luck!
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 12:47 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Thanks Memigen! Your words are so kind! I am factoring the time of the other relationship in to things too, and I think you are right about him wanting to make it past that mark too. Thanks again!
    countrygirl1987

    Answer by countrygirl1987 at 12:53 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I think when people put a timeline on how long you should know someone before you can tell you love em etc is silly.... I know that every person and situation is different. Maybe he's just scared of "rushing' things again and potentially ending up not together.
    RigPrincess85

    Answer by RigPrincess85 at 12:53 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • He should already know
    jessesmama22

    Answer by jessesmama22 at 5:38 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

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