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Is this even legal?

My buddy got a girl he was dating pregnant and the moment his son was born, she refused to let him see him. The man fought for a year in court before they finally let him have any visitation. Now the mother seems to be making the rules up as she goes. He is to come to her home exactly at the time he is expected (she calls the police if he's early or a minute late) and he is to wait at the curb. He has no say over daycare and the daycare has to check w/ the mom each and every time it's his day to pick his son up. She will not give him his son's SS# so he can put him under his insurance, and she now is demanding to walk through his home "or else". She calls the police nearly every time the man has a visit, 1 day they were called beause the boy lost a mitten. The courts seem to be completely on her side, they treat my friend like a criminal. Are all of these things that she's doing even legal? Can she order him around like this?

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-xoxo-

Asked by -xoxo- at 2:14 PM on Sep. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 9 (226 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • whats the story behind it? Was he abusive? Is he a drug user or has some type of criminal record that makes her feel the baby would be unsafe with the father? The court system wouldnt be this strict about visitation rights otherwise.
    Owl_Feather

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 2:19 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • he needs to take her to court and get established visitation and all that so she CAN'T do this. i went to high school with a girl who pulls this crap with her ex-shes bitter bc he found a decent human being and is happy
    erinwhitt

    Answer by erinwhitt at 2:20 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Your friend needs to get a VERY GOOD lawyer. From what you have here there is no reason he wouldn't have equal rights and NO, she doesn't have the right to introduce new rules in order to try and interfere with his rights to his child. However, it's going to take a fight - even more of one. He won the right to see his child, not he has to win equality... It's not easy, but in the end it could be best.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 2:20 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • There is none, he has no criminal record for anything other than a speeding ticket. She is really crazy possessive over the kid, everything must be done perfectly or she gets upset. She doesn't like her schedule being messed up. She has money and a lawyer, he used up all of his money and can't afford a lawyer at this time. In court she tells the judge that his home isn't the proper place for the child because he lets his son watch SpongeBob and he was sleeping in a pack n play. She does this sort of thing constantly, the guy just can't keep up.

    -xoxo-

    Comment by -xoxo- (original poster) at 2:24 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • He needs to get a lawyer pronto.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:26 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • It's not illegal but it's not right either. If he can, I'd suggest he get an attorney and iron out all these details at one time. She can't change the rules up on a whim. She would really have to have the court's permission to do a walk through and other changes. Surely the police see her as petty calling them over a mitten or that he's a minute early or late! She must be a very unhappy person to try to make others miserable. I would even suggest having the child taken to a drop off point. Most cities have them so the adults don't have to run in to each other. He'd have to pay for it but it might be worth the price to not have to deal with her
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:26 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Well it very much depends on what he got legally through the court. The BS with her calling the police and stuff THATS not right, but otherwise it depends onb what the court ordered for visitation and such. If I was him I would march my ass down to the courthouse ASAP and let the judge know what shes up to and whats going on. He also needs to start keeping a record of everything shes pulling and doing. As far as the insurance thing, legally if hes paying child support and such he is responsible for having the child on his insurance, and especially if she is on state aid, the state will not take to kindly to her refusing to let him put the child on his insurance.
    Rosesandlilys

    Answer by Rosesandlilys at 2:27 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • He needs to contact a lawyer and assert his rights as a father. Poor Guy.
    Roadfamily6now

    Answer by Roadfamily6now at 2:27 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • He needs a lawyer... but I'm sorry I don't agree with the whole demanding to walk thru the house.. She is probably just being nosey - Plus, I would think like a court appointed person would definitely be the better judge on if his house is safe.. JS
    ajc88

    Answer by ajc88 at 2:29 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • He can just go to court and petition for 50/50 custody of the child. That way she HAS to follow what the court order says. You don't need a lawyer to do this. He just needs to go to the courthouse. As far as the cop calling? REALLY? I'm sure they would rather be busting a meth lab rather than dealing with a missing mitten. I'm sure they wouldn't take that too seriously. Even with all that, it just seems like there are a few peices to the puzzle missing, that you yourself may never know.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 2:32 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

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