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Can family overcome something like this and eventually except this girl into thier lives?

My cousin has been with this girl for a year now. A few months ago she "cheated" on him. she says it was only oral so no "sex" actually took place. Besides that she stayed at his mothers house for a few months (he is in the military) and she was stealing things and starting rumors about family members. She is young about 20 and he is 29. She also has a baby with another guy who lives in a different state then where my cousin is stationed. Everyone has told him how they feel about her, she is not a good mother to her child, not good to herself but he loves her. Well they got back together a few months ago and after everyone telling him to not do it, at least move slow he flies her to see him for months (without her child who is 1) and then sends her back home. after being home a few weeks she says she is pregnant with his baby and he says he is going to marry her. His family is upset thinking he is being taken by this girl.


Asked by cloverlover24 at 2:58 PM on Sep. 17, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • At his age, there's really not much the family can do and all the talking against her will probably alienate them from him.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 2:59 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I would tell him to wait to be certain the baby is his. Then he can support it.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 3:03 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • It does sound like this girl is something else but unfortunately there is not much his family can do as he is an adult. I would be very careful on how you approach him and talk to him, as if everyone is confrontational or 'bashing' his gf it may make him dig his heels in and marry her to spite everyone. Your best bet is to be subtle and plant the ideas that he should think about waiting till after the baby is born to marry, and that a dna test might be a good idea.... Maybe by the time the baby is born he might wise up and see her for what she is.

    Answer by MizLee at 3:08 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • A couple things here:

    The cheating should be irrelevant to his family, imho. If my SIL cheated on my brother and he stayed with her that's his business to forgive and forget and my business to accept his choices as being what is best for him.

    If she was stealing from family members I can 100% understand being leery of her behavior and keeping an eye on her when she is in their home.

    Otherwise it's really just their job to support his decisions and comfort him if/when it would blow up in his face that is what families should do for each other and sounds like you are trying to do. The unfortunate fact when family is getting married is that the only person who has to like the g/f is your cousin, but everyone else should be expected to be civil to her even if it's hard to do.

    All I can say is good luck she sounds like a piece of work that's for sure.

    Answer by kfroz0415 at 3:14 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I agree. I would tell him to wait and see if the baby is his, if so be there and support the child fully.

    Answer by virgomom95 at 3:21 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Although its painful to see someone you love being taken advantage of in thier relationship, he will not open his eyes to her until he's ready to see her for who she is...obviously there's an attraction there and no matter what anyone says, he'll continue being with this girl. You guys either will have to accept her or treat her cold, but he's not leaving her until he's ready to leave her...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:36 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Ahhhh! I feel for you. My little brother had a girlfriend for a while who sounds quite similiar. Ultimately, it ended badly. Regarding his decision to have a relationship with her . . . you need to step back and try to be non-judging. Regarding a child . . . you cannot sit back and watch a child being mistreated or neglected. If she is drinking and doing drugs while child-caring, she can and should be reported. If she is pregnant and still drinking and doing drugs . . . you have every right to say something . . . that is, after alll, your nephew in there.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:45 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • it might take a while but they might some day take you in as their own.

    Answer by jessesmama22 at 5:18 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I know. I try to tell him how I feel without telling him what to do. I have congratulated him, which is more than his own brothers have done. I warned his mother that to much downing his soon to be wife may cause him to never speak to them again.

    Comment by cloverlover24 (original poster) at 3:02 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • If I said that to him he may never speak to me again. I just keep it to myself. I also think that she could have made up that she is pregnant and then he will use no protection and REALLY get her pregnant. I think she wants to be married to him so bad she doesn't care how she gets him. Her FB page she has his last name and it has been that way only after a few weeks of knowing him. She is a shady girl, one you know deep inside is up to no good. I could feel it coming off of her in waves when I met her and I have a pretty good gut feeling about people. I told him just how I felt and then told him I wasn't going to say another thing and I would be happy for him if she was the person he thought he wanted to be with. He says there is something about her he just has never found with anyone else. I hope that turns out to be true and she doesn't break his heart, again.

    Comment by cloverlover24 (original poster) at 3:12 PM on Sep. 17, 2010