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3 Bumps

Career before family?

While I totally support anyone's decision to be a SAHM, I'm trying to explain to my daughters that you need to have a career of some sort before you even get married and have children. You should be able to support yourself and any kids just in case - death of husband, husband disabled and unable to work, husband turns out to be a creep and you get divorced. Thought?

Answer Question
 
ceallaigh

Asked by ceallaigh at 3:36 PM on Sep. 17, 2010 in Money & Work

Level 24 (19,921 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I concur lol I concur!
    agriffinmom4

    Answer by agriffinmom4 at 3:38 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • As a SAHM, I fully agree. I went to college and had a career before having children. I keep up on my continuing education so that I can enter back into the workforce easily whenever I decide to. I want to make sure my daughter is self sufficient. I don't want her to feel like she 'needs' a man to take care of her.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 3:38 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I am not sure about the getting married part but having a job before having children I do. If you do want a huge wedding you can marry for cheap and it can still be beautiful, that's a one time thing, forking out for children is everyday.
    DeansMother

    Answer by DeansMother at 3:40 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Absolutely agree. My mom raised me to not depend on a man for those things - to go out into the world and be able to make it on my own. It doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't get married ... you just have to be realistic because things happen.
    FootballMom85

    Answer by FootballMom85 at 3:40 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I am not sure about the getting married part but having a job before having children I do. If you don't want a huge wedding you can marry for cheap and it can still be beautiful, that's a one time thing, forking out for children is everyday.
    DeansMother

    Answer by DeansMother at 3:41 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • You are right. But what she does with her life is her business. If she want to get married and have kids and not a carreer that is her business.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:42 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • The safety net argument is the one you always hear. What about fun and personal fulfillment? They might enjoy a career before having children. They might enjoy the lifestyle of a woman with money and few responsibilities.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 3:44 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I agree only because i didn't do it that way and am now stuck in a hole that i see no way of getting out of :( pregnant at 19, ended up quitting college, dh works full time but now we have 3 kids and hardly make ends meet. i WANT to go back to school and/or get a job and get us off public assistance but having to pay for childcare would just make it even harder. I wish my parents/mom had helped me understand all this and get an education/career going before having kids so good job to you for trying to teach your daughters!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • My husband always jokingly refers to my education as his "life insurance policy". And he's got a very good point. If something were to happen to him (or his ability to work) I am able to support our family relatively comfortably (actually, I've been doing that, for the most part, for the last few years while he's been finishing up HIS education). The idea that sure I could take an entry level job if needed is ok, but the idea that I'm fully qualified for much better paying jobs is comforting.

    We got married when I was 18 (he was 19), and intentionally waited until I was done with my BS before thinking about having kids. When we started trying we really expected him to be done with his PhD before baby came around, but ended up pregnant a lot easier than expected. I'm SO glad we didn't start sooner. It's a LOT less stress.
    coder_chick

    Answer by coder_chick at 3:45 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • coderchick, it sounds like you did it just right! Congraulations!!
    ceallaigh

    Comment by ceallaigh (original poster) at 3:46 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

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