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How do you trust again?

Soon after me and my boyfriend(now fiance) got together, he went to meet another girl behind my back, I found out ahead of time and stopped it, but since then I feel like I can't trust anything he says, and that was over a year ago. Is it possible to get trust back after that? or should I trust him after that? I'm just so confused. Plus my daughter totally loves him and there's a lot of great things about him. Am I being too picky?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Oct. 18, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You can only trust him if you can. Its not something you can force. When it comes to your daughter wouldnt you want her to be upset at the break-up now and not when he actually does cheat? (not saying he will, just a sugg:)) Its not fair to either of you to have this constantly brought up. You are the only one who can make this decisiona and if you feel you are taking it too far than u need to work on that yourself. Ive been there before and its not easy. But you would be better off apart if all you can do is bring up the past

    Answer by Steph319 at 12:33 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • you either decided to get over and trust him and be in the relationship. or you decide you can't trust him and move on. Its not healthy for you, him or especially your daughter to be in a relationship that you have no faith in.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • im having the same issue. i have seen emails, and it hurts. he says its his brother doing it but how can i know for sure, he wants to get married and im questioning it. we have twin girls and i really love him. half of me trusts him and the other half thinks he is lying. you just have to take it one day at a time until the trust comes back if it does. i'd mentioned to him that we need to get a way for the weekend just the two of us some where romantic he suggested Sybaris hopefully that can salvage wat we have. maybe you should suggest something like that.

    Answer by melissa089 at 12:50 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I don't think I could ever trust a guy again that cheated on me. I think you are awesome for being able to try for as long as you did, but if you can't trust him, you can't trust him, period. Don't stay with him just for your daughter, that'll never work. But if you want to try, get into counseling and I can recommend a great book you should read: Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.

    Answer by feesharose at 1:02 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • Trust is very delicate, and hard to regain. your scared of being hurt again. Completely understandable. I guess the best you can do, is act in trust, treat him as you trust him, and wait for the healing. But You need to relize that marriage should not be based on blind trust. Both of you would benifit from premarital counceling. If you are set on marring him, talk to him about keeping things completely open. Complete accountablity and transparency. In my marriage, my husband had an affair. It was horrible. Part of recovering and salvaging our marrage was complete transparancy. That means we both have access to e-mails, and phone bills, and no opposite sex friendships. We also both agreed that when we are stuggling with something, that we can come and say "I need help with this", and that the other person will not get angry, that we will do whatever we have to to overcome it. cont....

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 1:59 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • cont...
    YOu cannot force yourself to have those emotions of trust. But transparency will help those feelings come back. Will I ever compeltely trust my husband again...probalby not. He I doing everything in his power to prove himself to me, but even he admits that he does not trust himself, and that is why transparency is so important. He says, he doens't think that he will stay again, but that when we first got married, he would have never thought that he was capable of doing such a horrible thing. Knowing that he is capable, has made him very cautious about his actions and thoughts. I have my own struggles as well. Part of marriage is keeping eachother acountable, and having the security to go to your spouce when you struggle.

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 2:07 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • You aren't being picky, you're allowed to expect devotion! I don't think you seem like you'll get over it, I think it seems that you'll always wonder and if that's how you want to feel in your relationship good luck.

    Answer by notjustamom380 at 3:15 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I can almost "hear" the sadness in your question. You really need to figure out what's best for you and your daughter and then do it. It really sounds as if you're in limbo, and that's not a good place to be. Best wishes to y'all...

    Answer by ProudTexan71 at 4:43 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

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