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7 Bumps

Advice about a guy. Men's feelings?

Okay. So let's assume you have a great male friend, who you have been close to for years. He's not really social and he is not oe to really verbalize emotions generally.
If you basically poured your heart out to him, on two occasions, via letter and he did not directly respond to what was written, but carried on with you as always, what would you think? If you basically told him you had strong feelings, without using the word "love" and he never addressed them directly but still let you know in various ways during conversations that he appreciates that you care about him, that he enjoys talking to you, etc. what would you think? I have a friend who says that he probably has similar feelings, just does not know ho to approach things and that he would otherwise get "scared off" and another friend thinks he is not interested? What say you?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on Sep. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • He's not interested.
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 6:27 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • It sounds like he's not interested, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:34 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • Sadly, i would agree with the others. I don't think he is interested.
    kld1979

    Answer by kld1979 at 8:46 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • I had a male friend who was very much like this. I don't agree with the other ladies here. I would bet he probably cares very deeply for you, but does not know or want to deal with the deeper feelings. If you are still spending large amounts of time together, talking on the phone, doing all kinds of things and he is actually verbalizing his appreciation of you, then it is pretty likely his feelings are love. Some guys have no clue how to handle emotions.

    I think a lot of women really think men are pigs. If they are interested, they will jump you type thing. But that is not the case, especially with more mature men;

    If he was not interested, and you were really on board with your feelings with him, you would probably notice a difference in how he treats you or the time he is willing to give you. If he is not shying away at all, I would say that you two are probably in a good place.
    YuppyMom

    Answer by YuppyMom at 9:44 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • I think it could go either way with this one. And I also think that the only way you can find out for sure is to sit down with him, face to face, and tell him how you feel and ask him point blank how he feels.
    QueenMomma2023

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 11:01 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • He's not interested, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:25 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • I personally would say that he doesnt have the same feelings and that you are just a friend to him and he just doesnt know how to tell you because he does care about you and doesnt want to hurt you or anything like that so he thinks that if he avoids the topic that it might go away
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 10:50 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • You say you are "close friends". I think how close may make the difference here. If you are close and share things that very important in your lives and have a connection I would be more likely to say that he probably shares your feelings, but is not sure how to express himself or may even be overwhelmed with emotion. If he is just a guy you grab a drink with here and there and he talks to you about chicks, then I would go with the possibility of him not being interested. If you guys are really tight friends, and he is still connecting with you, then yeah--he digs you too. A man who didn't would run scared.

    I caution you to be wary too of some women's answers. There are ladies here who LOVE to tell people what they think will be disappointing answers. LOL. This is cafemom after all. Good luck.
    HoityMom

    Answer by HoityMom at 11:57 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Well, turns out, he was and is indeed "interested". We had a long talk not long ago and he even confessed that his wife (now deceased and who I never met as we were hundreds of miles apart for years) was very much like me and chosen, to some extent, for those reason. He said he sought someone like me, in what he thought would be a life-mate. He sent me a photo of her and we even looked alike, had the same career path, etc. While neither of us talked about the word "love" there was no question in the things he said--even saying he thought about me all the time. He said he has never been good about showing his feelings, even when he was married with his wife. He always referred to our friendship as a "special relationship" and he essentially said , "let's stop pretending and put it in the table" It's a crazy situation, but at least I know now how he feels.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:12 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

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