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3 Bumps

How can I stay real in a new relationship if I have to walk on eggshells?

I'm in a new relationship. I love it. I thought we could talk about anything. But I'm finding my words have hurt them. I want to stay real. I want both of us to be able to be open and honest, holding nothing back from each other. I want them to know I would never intentionally hurt them. I want them to know if I do, please tell me, so we can come to a mutual understanding. What do you do when you find yourself in this situation?

 
Prayerpartner

Asked by Prayerpartner at 3:09 AM on Sep. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 20 (10,072 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Sometimes the eggshells are your own insecurities. I think you are a bit too over worried about cause harm and hurt. But are your worries justified? What did you do that caused hurt already? What could you do to prevent that hurt? I think these types of questions you need to ask yourself.


    Letting them know they can talk to you and trust you is learned though experience and time. I'm a little concerned why you are so serious about this new relationship/ friendship. Why are you so invested in everything going right? Are you being too critical of yourself? Are perfectionist tendencies causing you this distress?

    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 10:47 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • You said you find in your words that you are hurting them. Who is "them". If you are new in a relationship and walking on egg shells this early or even at all in a relationship that right there is a sign for me that something isn't right and maybe time to get out now.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 3:17 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • are you meaning pple not letting you completly in because somone in their past hurt them?
    gabby06

    Answer by gabby06 at 3:41 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • If you feel that way, then maybe you should sit down and talk about it with your significant other. Communication is very important in a relationship. Wish you the best! =]
    ajc88

    Answer by ajc88 at 4:07 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • Thank you for the suggestion. I'm hoping they will see that they don't have to be afraid. I think they've been hurt. I'm not out to hurt them. I want to walk beside them and be their friend. I'm praying you are wrong. But appreciate what you've said!
    Prayerpartner

    Comment by Prayerpartner (original poster) at 3:33 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • who is "them" ?
    ashley387

    Answer by ashley387 at 3:55 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • Its a figure of speech. I want that person to know they have a friend in me. I want them to know I'm not out to hurt them.
    Prayerpartner

    Comment by Prayerpartner (original poster) at 3:59 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • The purpose of dating is to figure out if the person is someone you can see spending the rest of your life with. It doesn't seem to be a good fit for you. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with an overly sensitive person who will take everything you say the wrong way, requiring extensive explanations and apologies, when what you said wasn't meant to be hurtful. As long as you are honest with them about WHY you think this might not be the best bet of a relationship for you, maybe it will help them. You don't want to waste time on a relationship if you know this early into it that you have such serious doubts. Good luck!
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 6:17 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • Sometimes you have to smash the eggshells.

    Nobody wants to intentially hurt someone we love. And sometimes it is unavoidable. It is really stressful to walk on the eggshells and rotate your life, your speech, your actions, around someone else's feelings. Over time, this behavior will eat you up inside and cause more arguments and pain than the original pain needing the eggshells. Tell your mate that this is no way to start a relationship, and that you want to find a way to resolve the issues so that everyone is comfortable and building trust. Both of you might do well to explore counseling to break past the issues that are causing these feelings.

    The reality is that if this is a new relationship, and you already are convinced that you are hurting this person whenever you speak to them, this may be an early sign of a potentially abusive relationship.
    WyndenSkie

    Answer by WyndenSkie at 7:01 AM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • I ask the question others have asked.....who is they and them.........?
    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 2:31 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

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