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5 Bumps

why do women let they men emotionally beat them

and why do they stay in the relationship(s)

Answer Question
 
canta1980

Asked by canta1980 at 3:45 PM on Sep. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,298 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • IMO, from personal experience seeing it be done to few people I have known is that they are made to feel like they have no where to go and are scared to leave because the men make them believe they are nothing without them.
    Congenial

    Answer by Congenial at 3:48 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • you will NEVER understand until you are in their shoes...it is VERY hard to leave someone like that because they usually play mind games with you like i'm the only one who will love you even if i beat you, or no one will find you attractive so you should stay with me, or im going to take the kids if you leave...all sorts of threats that over time break you down and doubt yourself. They "allow" it to happen because they've been so minipulated over time that they don't kknow what else to do anymore, it is a very helpless feeling, esp if they have no friends or family to support their emotional needs if they do get the courage to leave.
    anikahaynes1

    Answer by anikahaynes1 at 3:49 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • Well, in my case I thought if I could just do everything better he would be happy, I thought I could change him because if he loved me enough he would change, I thought that because of the way that he group up it was all he knew- I finally realized that it wasn't me it was him and I left, best thing I ever did!!!!
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 3:51 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • exactly Congenial...that's why they stay for sure....why do the let them do it ? you can't stop them ! if you fight back it just gets worse...if you take a stand, he just gets louder and sometimes physical...i was there for seven years....heres the reason i stayed....because i felt that if i left, he'd get the children by himself on the weekends, but if i stayed, i was there to protect the kids......but when i just couldn't take it anymore, i got ready to run with the kids and do what i had to do at all costs to make sure he never got the kids on his own....thankfully i found a lawyer who understood and went to bat for me....he hasn't even so much as seen the kids in 3 years....i was a strong woman, never saw myself in the situation....didn't think i ever would have put up with it....but i did....i've been out for 5 years....
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 3:53 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • I can tell you have never been in a relationship like that before and that is great you will never understand if you haven't been there yourself. It's a very scary and lonely feeling and place. Like congenial said you do feel like you are nothing without them and it's a place and situation i wouldn't want my worst enemy to ever be in.

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 3:53 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • Emotion abusers are hard to spot; they are often pillars of their church and community, and they play Mr. Nice so the rest of the world doesn't know how they treat their wives behind closed doors. When you are controlled completely by an emotionally abusive man you are cut off from your support system; they make sure you are completely dependent on them emotionally and financially so you don't feel like you can leave. Where would you go? How would you support yourself? After all, according to him you're nothing without him, and when you hear that message often enough you believe it. It took me 25 years to gain the strength and courage to leave. No one sees your pain. Emotional abusive leaves bruises and scars that aren't visible to the outside world, so you think everyone will think you're crazy for leaving such a "wonderful man." In truth, it's the sanest and healthiest move you'll ever make.
    wishbearmom

    Answer by wishbearmom at 3:54 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • That's right, unless you have been there, you will never understand. The relationship doesn't start out that way. They just don't. The men are sneaky, you really don't see it coming. They start to break you down, they make you think you are worthless and meaningless. Some women are easy targets, some are not. Men know, they just know which ones they can manipulate. I saw it happen, and I fell into it anyway. I just didn't stay very long. He didn't break me as much. Problem is, now I'm a control freak, and have anxiety. Which causes problems with my hubby and sometimes my kids.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 3:55 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • I grew up in a hostile enviroment and then my first long term relationship was also with an abuser. you just don't know any different. you don't know that it's your choice not to. I know that seems so elimentary if you aren't in the situation, but you really are blind to there being another way of living. I got lucky and friend got me to leave and now I would never allow that again and found a wonderful husband and have a very healthy relationship, but I've been there and know it's not a case of letting anything- you just don't realize it can be different and your mind gets warped by the abuse (you think it's all your fault, that you are a horrible person, it took me years to even begin to realize that I'm not the problem, they were).
    KayMMIV

    Answer by KayMMIV at 4:07 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • He does it because he is a bully. You allow it because you don't realize your worth.
    n2thaxcape

    Answer by n2thaxcape at 4:28 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • You'll never understand it until you've been there. No amount of explaining will help. BTW its "why do women let THEIR men".

    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 4:59 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

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