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If kids are bad, do you assume parents are bad?

This is something I really don't understand. I realize kids learn from their parents. But they also learn from their friends, relatives you'd rather not visit, and strangers. So why do people assume that if a kid does something bad, that the parents have done something wrong? Kids get in trouble. If the parents aren't aware of the problem, inform them. You might just get a big thank you!

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SalemWitchChild

Asked by SalemWitchChild at 4:17 PM on Sep. 18, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 23 (15,594 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • Funny enough I just recently put something similar to this for my FB status. Anyway, no I don't. I know better. I'm a great mom but yes my kids screw up and will screw up. They're human, same as anyone else. No one has 100% perfect kids. And you never know, sometimes a misbehavior could be related to something not physically obvious.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 4:21 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • well, parents are in control of who their children are around, it's their responsibility. But also you have to consider many factors as well. For instance there can be an unavoidable circumstance that the child is expose to that is causing them to misbehave (more that expected). children are going to test the limits,no matter who the parents are, but its up to the parents to correct the behavoir in the appropriate way.
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 4:22 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • I'm sure most do, my son had ADHD and is extremely impulsive which leads him to make many poor choices. I'm sure many assume it poor parenting on my part, but in reality I do all I can at home and cannot control my son's actions or choices, only praise or give consequences for them. Luckily he goes to a great school where I have the support of all the teachers and staff and they are supportive and helpful.
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 4:22 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • I depends on the kids age and what they are doing if I blame the parents.

    martat

    Answer by martat at 4:23 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • i think its only people without children that think that. us moms know better than to blame the parent unless theyre in the grocery store and their kid is doing cartwheels up and down the aisle and the mom is sitting there doing nothing. then i blame the parents
    00MissJade

    Answer by 00MissJade at 4:24 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • I guess it depends on the situation and what exactly happened... If it is a problem that is continuous and the parent doesnt do anything about it than yes it is the parents fault. But if it is something that happens once then it should be brought up to the parents and the child.

    mrsmamaj

    Answer by mrsmamaj at 4:25 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • If parents don't DO something about the bad influences in their childrens lives then, IMO, they ARE part of the problem! A parents job is to guide their children towards the most positive influences. But sadly, too many parents give up, or try being friends with their children and their children walk all over them.

    While parents cannot control every little thing in their child's life, they CAN steer them in the right direction by LIMITING or cutting off the bad influences, making them accountable for getting good grades and doing their homework, respecting themselves, abiding by household rules, getting a job and learning responsibility when they are old enough, making them get involved in positive community based groups, sports and/or organizations that are positive extensions of home life, and values the parents believe in and wish to instill in their children!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 4:25 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • I don't think anyone's bad... misguided, confused, desperate, needy, angry, lonely and unloved, possibly --but not bad.

    I do believe that poor parenting choices (selfishness, pettiness, the desire to control another human, taking a child personally, disengagement, and violence) tend to confuse, misguide and leave children feeling unloved, lonely, needy and angry. But it's not just poor parenting choices, directly --it's poor education environments, poor neighbourhood environments and poor government and social policies that contribute. And I don't mean 'lack of wealth' I mean treating people like numbers or units, disrespectful policies, the impersonal application of rules, failing to see children as whole, complete human beings with valid opinions and genuine (changing) needs.

    As soon as someone comes up with a 'program' that is intended to manage more than one child, a lot of them are going to get lost in the cracks.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 4:51 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • depends . there is a difference between a kid making the occassional bad judgement and error in choices. and then there are the kids who are doing it CONSTANTLY. the occassional errors are NORMAL. the constant points to piss poor parenting
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 5:25 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • First off, I don't tend to think of kids as BAD. All kids make mistakes, that doesn't make them bad kids. Nor do I generally believe that People are "bad." Again, everyone screws up from time to time... That said, generally I think if bad behavior is an ongoing thing, there is a deeper reason for it than a child who is simply making bad choices. Be it they need attention, they are being abused, they need more discipline or whatever, there is usually a bigger picture than the child's behavior. However, I don't buy in to this idea that if a child screws up we have to blame the parents. I know I got in more than my share of trouble, and frankly, my mother was uber conservative and NEVER would have backed any of my actions - most the time I was more willing to be arrested than go home once she found out what I did... So, no, just because a child acts out, doesn't mean the parents are at fault, but there is usually a deeper meaning
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 7:07 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

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