Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do you all feel about your SO JO to porn? If you hate it what do you do? *Warning Sexual Content*

My DH has been jacking off to porn since the day we met. We have been married for almost five years and I have given birth to three children, although honestly I can say I do not look like I have any. I have been fighting with DH since we got married about this. I have told him to me it is a form of cheating and it makes me feel as though I am not enough for him. He says that it is just different and he is not imaging himself with those women or anything. However it still hurts!! I have offered for us to watch together, but he never does that, he wants to watch alone!! I am lost as to what to do!! Can someone PLEASE give me some advice?!?

 
dea121885

Asked by dea121885 at 8:33 PM on Oct. 18, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • well, being the wife of a porn addict, it's not allowed in my house because he chose it over his family many, many times.
    My advice, if it hurts you and he doesn't stop, give him an ultimatum. You and the kids or the porn. i did this and left with the kids when he wouldn't stop and he started his recovery. {not saying you hubbs is an addict, just saying what worked for me}
    chyna_doll

    Answer by chyna_doll at 8:38 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • Sorry that you feel that you are not enough for him. Do you watch porn at all and masturbate to it? No need to answer. I only ask because I do and I enjoy it. I like the alone time with myself and I do imagine myself with the people I am watching... most of the time. The best orgasms though come when I imagine my SO doing those things to me that I am watching on the porn.

    Why do you think it is cheating? He is not really having sex with anyone else... just you and his hand.

    Personally, I love it when my SO masturbates to porn or without it. I find masturbation a huge turn on. I think mainly because he feels so comfortable with me that he can share his private life with me. I do reciprocate, of course. We both realize that with our schedules the way that they are we cannot always accomodate each other so masturbation is a great alternative.
    girlneffy

    Answer by girlneffy at 8:39 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • You've known he does this since you met him, you told him you feel it's cheating and he still does it yet you married him. You went into this marriage knowing he uses porn to get off, get over it. Did you really think you were going to change him? It's just porn, he's not going out screwing other women.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:45 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I'm glad to see another woman who admits to enjoying porn, I also like to watch porn and masturbate, It's a huge turn on. I believe watching porn is just like watching anything else, it's a movie, it makes you fantisize about being in different situations. I don't have a problem with my husband watching porn, we watch it together sometimes. I'm sorry that it's such a problem for some women, it can be one more thing for you and your s.o. to share.
    stephanie1076

    Answer by stephanie1076 at 8:59 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • i agree with the anon that you knew he was like this and although i wouldn't like my hubby to do that and would feel the same exact way you do, maybe you shouldn't of married him knowing that. thing is you either accept men for who they are or you don't marry them. so since you did there is nothing you can do now but to accept him and stop telling him how you feel. saying it over and over won't change him and your just wasting your breath. men need to be accepted for they are. it's the rule of men.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 9:17 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • If you told him that it hurts you - that you are really bothered by it, then it's an issue of respect. I would try sitting down having a really open conversation about it. It sounds like you've atleast started that... try finding out what it is about the porn he likes... is there anything missing from what you two do in the bedroom.. and be prepared for any answer! If this is a line in the sand, then he needs to know that.. and he needs to understand that you aren't playing - you won't put up with it. If you aren't truly willing to leave, then you don't have any other solution than to deal... but I don't think you should have to settle and I don't think there should be any rules about men getting to do whatever they want regardless of your feeling just because they have a penis!
    AggieMamacita

    Answer by AggieMamacita at 9:24 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • The Bible is very specific on the husband and wife being only together. It also says that he who lusts after another woman has committed adultry in his heart. Pornography is meant to take apart the couple who were wed to become one. I know that some will probably disagree with me, but it still doesn't change the truth. Why would someone need pornography when they are married? We are to please our spouses not them please themselves. When a man looks at a woman and does his "thing" he is doing it to her, not his wife. A couple is to forsake all others and become one. How can you forsake others when you are using them, tv or not, to satisfy yourself? How can you say you love your wife when you are doing those things. Pornography is evil and no one can convince me otherwise.
    nannee59

    Answer by nannee59 at 9:30 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I think you are overreacting.... He is watching some girls on a movie that he will never ever have sex with.... men are visual creaturs and they like to look at naked women, he is not going out and cheating or buying hookers he is watching them on TV!! He is not cheating on you with his hand for heaven sake.... think about how silly that sounds!! You said he did it since you met him ummmm you cant change him now dear!! Maybe he doesnt feel comfortable watching it with you thats the only part that seems wierd to me but other than that i think that you should just let him be how you found him and not try to change him that causes alot of problems in a marriage!! Also the part about a mans wife being enough to satisfy him come on thats along time to look at just one women forever and you should be glad that he watches porn and stays faithful!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 10:20 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I think it's o.k. if you do it together....but, if he doesn't want to do it with you that seems strange! My husband would love if I would watch with him. I think as long as it is between a husband and wife there is nothing wrong with it! As long as he's not looking at it on line or talking to other woman on line!!
    abearshug

    Answer by abearshug at 11:05 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • Theres a difference being casually watch porn vs. a porn addiction.

    If he still has sex with you, and its not causing problems with his work, family, etc, then I wouldn't worry about it.

    Do you ever think about someone else while you masturbate? If so....its pretty much the same thing.
    MommaLucy

    Answer by MommaLucy at 2:02 AM on Oct. 19, 2008