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Hubby asked me to leave part 2

I posted this morning that my husband told me to leave last night and I did this morning. So my husband did call me. We talked and he continued to blame me for everything. He says he's done nothing wrong. He wanted me to come home but I decided to stay at a cheap hotel tonight. I am not sure what I will do tomorrow. I hate for it to be the end of our marriage. I won't go home though unless he sees what he is doing. I think when he realized I wasn't coming home, he started to feel bad. What would you do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:55 PM on Sep. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • You have to do more than talk. You have to find a way to communicate with him. I would not give up trying to woork it out yet. I couldn't quit trying until there was nothing left to try.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:58 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • You need to go home and get those kids. If you are the one who left her kids cause he said to.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:59 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • You need someone professional to help with your marriage, if you want to save it. A marriage counselor.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:00 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • Louis, if I thought for one second that he'd hurt the kids I would have taken them with me. He did tell our daughter he was divorcing me but he's never said that to her before in 9 years. He doesn't talk bad about me behind my back to them. I know he is regretting saying that to her very much right now. I just don't know what to do about us. He can't seem to accept me for me.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:06 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • Problems in marriage are usually about 50/50, although we don't want to see that. For every behavior we can see in our husbands, we are a contributing factor. For instance, he can't manipulate unless you allow yourself to be manipulated. So tonight would be a really good time to think about some of those things and what you can do to change yourself. You don't have the power to change him, but you can change the way you respond to the way he is. The amazing thing is that if you will do that, you will very likely see changes in him, too. Remember, happiness is a choice and it's always a good thing to remind oneself of why she chose her man to begin with. There had to have been some wonderful things about him, but we tend to forget about those when reality sets in.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:07 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • Why in the would would you abandon your kids without a fight?? WHY?? I don't get that!! Girls need their mothers. Please take this from a motherless daughter. MY mom died when I was 11 and I really need a woman when I was going through puberty! Don't abandon your daughters, not even for the love of your husband. Your daughters need you more than they need their dad! Period!

    Answer by isabellalecour at 9:09 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • It's not so much a matter of you feeling your kids are safe with him, it's a matter of you leaving your kids, the courts would see it as abandonment. IF you do get divorced, and IF you decide to fight for custody, you would most likely lose due to you leaving them. Back to the abandonment issue. That's what everyone is trying to say.
    You really need to get home, if not tonight, then first thing tomorrow. You always have the option of just not sleeping in the same room as him. You both need help, independently and together. Even if it's still going to end up in divorce. As it stands, neither of you is willing to budge right now. I think you should sit him down and have a heart to heart. It's gonna be painful. But you both need to realize that changes need to be made regardless of what happens. You have kids, you need to be able to get along. Right now, they are confused as hell.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 9:17 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • it can't all be your fault. it could be your more tolerant of his crap then he is of yours. i wouldn't go back unless he schedule a therapy session for you both to work it out.

    Answer by melody77 at 9:29 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • i wouldn't have left in the first place - if he is the one having the problem, HE should leave. otherwise you are just reinforcing his belief that you are at fault. i understand if you left to get out of a bad situation, etc. - not saying you did anything wrong. but relationship problems are rarely one person's fault unless there is abuse and/or addiction - it takes two to make a relationship but only one to ruin it. only you know the truth about that. what would i do? let him know that this is the one and only time i allow him to dictate my actions and that if i return it's not because he feels bad but because it's my home and i don't have to leave it. let him know and do not back down that if he wants to work things out he needs to take responsibility for his part in the relationship problems - it's always best if each person works on him/herself instead of the other person... counseling would be called for.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:32 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • You live there too so who is he to tell you to go? I understand anger makes us say things we don't really mean sometimes. If you have kids, you need to be there with them. If he is abusive you need to get the children & you out of there like yesterday and go stay w/family or at a shelter. Counseling helps if you both put in the work & are working towards the same goal of togetherness. Firbidden words are, "you always", "you never"....these are communication blockers and set one up for the defense so a counselor can help with communication processes and with the big picture-like the future of a potentially broken family. sometimes when we're mad we want to run now but there will be consequences to decisions made abruptly and there are others (kids) to consider too. I can't imagine someday sharing my grandchildren in separate homes. I want to grow old w/my H and enjoy our family together forever. Forgiveness is golden. :)

    Answer by Mommameeah at 10:01 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

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