Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

How do I learn to let go and let my 18 year old daughter grow into a adult!

This has been a very difficult time for me. I almost wish I could turn back time and do things a little different.

Answer Question
 
3girlsnohair

Asked by 3girlsnohair at 10:57 PM on Sep. 18, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 4 (33 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I think that's hard for every parent. But you've raised her, hopefully, with good morals and values, and whether you believe it or not, many of them stick with the child. My parents were SUPER strict with me growing up...which caused me to rebel a lot. I was a party girl and did do a lot of things I probably shouldn't have, but it was my parent's voices in the back of my head that always kept me from going too far. I knew when enough was enough and didn't follow the crowd when I felt like they were crossing a line. By 18, she has learned basically everything she can from you. The foundation of her person is built and there isn't really anything you can do to change it. But honestly, once a child gets put into the real world on their own, the DO grow up a lot. I was very irresponsible in high school and my parents were scared to death to let me go off to college. But they let me go, and I grew up so fast! Trust me, she will too
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:02 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • "If you want children to keep their feet on the ground put some responsibility on their shoulders." Abigail Van Buren


    Now is the time to let go and let her be responsible for herself. If you've done a good job as a parent, she will ALWAYS come back to you when she needs you!


    CJKidz - We're all about kids and family http://www.cjkidz.com/index.html

    momjs

    Answer by momjs at 11:14 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • We need to loosen the cord a bit & let her figure out her own life. We can guide, but should never control them. My Dad tried to do that with me and I rebelled a lot. If she is responsible & smart then it should be a bit easier than if she was naive like mine is. Being too clingy may make her crazy! Give her a bit of space. I know it is hard, but you will adjust :))
    NicolesMommy

    Answer by NicolesMommy at 12:20 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I have a 22 yrs old daughter and it's hard to see our children all grown up. Just keep reminding yourself that she is an adult. But, at the same time also remind her that you'll be there for her when she needs you, all children need to know this. Just because they are grown up doesn't mean we need to stop being parents. As long as you feel you have taught good morals and values, I wouldn't worry too much, at least you know they know right from wrong and are capable of making good decisions on their own. That's all that matters.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:52 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • You have to have faith that all you taught her will stick with her and let life take it's course, it is one of the hardest things a parent has to do, hugs!
    older

    Answer by older at 8:25 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • You step back, let her come to you, let her set the communication tone.
    If she's still in HS and living at home - you don't change anything. She's still in school.
    If she's graduated HS and still living at home - loosen up the rules some and let her have some freedom, but she's still to be responsible for helping around the house.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:25 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I don't have any great words of wisdom for you because I'm in the same situation. My oldest is 18 and a senior in high school and we're having a tug-of-war between too much and too little: freedom, responsibility, rights, etc. Guess we sit tight, do a lot of praying, and even more conversations, and hope for the best.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 3:19 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Well my mom didn't let go easy either but I lived with her till I was 23 so it wasn't that hard at 18 but it was hard for her at 23 for me to leave but she wasn't that bad cause I was only a mile away
    jessesmama22

    Answer by jessesmama22 at 5:10 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I am a mother of 3 and all has moved out and sometimes you just have to let them go, but my children know if they need me I there. You just have to be there when they need you.
    HomeAlone45

    Answer by HomeAlone45 at 8:59 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Thanks to all who responed!!! I never thought it would be this hard but all your advice helped to remind me that everything I instilled in her will eventually come around!
    3girlsnohair

    Comment by 3girlsnohair (original poster) at 9:28 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN