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2 Bumps

Bad Parenting?

As parents, we all want to "keep" our kids to a point, right? However, as a parent who is in touch with reality, don't we want to be sure our kids will be able to do well on their own? After all, we won't be there for them forever, right? Now, get this. My neighbor has done everything to keep her kids from being independent or knowing how to fend for themselves. She decided what each kid would do upon hs graduation and kept them from great opportunity. She prefers they live off her forever - she pays for everything, including the oldest's cigarettes & beer (oldest is 22). No push to get a job and she deters bf/gf relationships by interfering tremendously, scaring off potential "beaus" of the kids. The youngest graduated this year, is a total wiz in science and could have gone to a great university, but mom said no way! I love my dd, but I also want her to be able to succeed in life & be independent. (cont'd.)

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TeensMom07

Asked by TeensMom07 at 12:05 AM on Sep. 19, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 15 (2,164 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • Do you think this woman who overly coddles and imprisons her kids from the real world is nuts? To keep them from starting a future on their own and not learning responsibility. These kids don't help out around the house, either. The girl drinks every night, the boy (18) plays on his Xbox all day long and the mom is totally okay with this. Opinions?
    TeensMom07

    Comment by TeensMom07 (original poster) at 12:07 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Of course. My three year old is very independant. She only needs us when she can't do something and she will let us know when she wants us to spend time with her. But she isn't clingy by any means. It's a good quality to have, especially as she gets older.
    GinNTonic

    Answer by GinNTonic at 12:07 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I think there should be a medium between being huggy with your kid and allowing them to be independent.
    GinNTonic

    Answer by GinNTonic at 12:08 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • i think part of being a good parent is setting your kids up for the brightest future they can get. i would never tell my child to not go to college! what will happen if this woman dies suddenly? those kids will not know how to take care of themselves and noone else is going to.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 12:11 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Hopefully mom has a ton of money for the kids to inherit when she dies and they have no skills.
    stringtheory

    Answer by stringtheory at 12:13 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I think you have spent way too much time studying your neighbor and her kids. Geez,,,eyes on your own paper. Stop worrying about whats going on next door and pay attention to your own family
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • As much as some of us hate it, a VERY important part of parenting is teaching our children to survive without us. I am a very independent person so I think my parents did a good job with me. However, my fiance's parents have screwed all their kids up. My future BIL is 25 and went to college, graduated, and landed an awesome job in Chicago. Well my FIL didn't want him moving downtown so he wouldn't let him take the job. So now my BIL is unemployed, living with my PIL and doing odd jobs around the house for them, for money. Like a kid with a chore list and an allowance. My younger BIL has never had a job in his entire life. He is 21 and is trying to race motorcross professionally but has gone really no where with it in 4 years. if it wasn't for me, my fiance would be in the same boat. Once we had our son, I told him a seasonal job at a golf course, wasn't going to cut it. Now he is the assistant manager of a jewelry store. Cont
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 12:15 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • He ended up being the most responsible out of them all. And not to toot my own horn, but that's because I gave him the reality check he so desperately needed. They all thought they were just going to live off their parents forever and never had any dreams of going anywhere with their own lives. And my PIL are perfectly fine with that. My fiance is 23 and couldn't even make doctor's appointments for himself until a year ago!
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 12:17 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • The biggest problem is read here is that she is buying them beer and cigarettes. That is bad parenting. No matter how old.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 12:27 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Now get this,,,as a mother of teens, you have no idea what it is like till you get there. You are viewing this family from the outside and what you have made judgement calls about herein. Its so easy with younger children to say things like, 'I will never do this or I would never do what my neighbor is doing" Do you have teens? Until you do, until you get there, stop making judgement calls on your neighbor and her upbringing of her kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

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