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2 Bumps

What should i do? i cant seem to let it go.

My husband has been in the Army for 7 years now,he has always been wonderful to me, but after returning from his second tour in Iraq he seemed a little distant.I kind of expected this knowing the toll war takes on our soldiers and just kind of shrugged it off and tryed to be as supportive and understanding as i could,that was untill we got into an arguement one night and he ended up busting my lip open and choking me next thing i knew he had my head against the bar with broken glass all in my hair,after that he just had that look on his face like ,what have i done? and stormed out. Even though this happend a little while back it has still been so very hard on me, how do i let this go and move on? We are still together and he has not layed his hands on me since, but it hurts so much that he could even do that.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:07 AM on Sep. 19, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Hi hun......I honestly have no answer but I did not want to read this and not say SOMETHING, you know in support.

    Im sorry that that had happened and this war DOES take its toll on our troops AND their families mentally, and much is going on in their heads...I feel it affects everyone in their social circles.....and its sad.......they are not the same when they experience something, like war......I could not even imagine what they have seen or saw or perhaps survive. Ya see it online and the TV...but its NOT the same as being there, 24-7......its horrible.

    I know NO ONE in the military now...But I suggest counselling. Perhaps find a support group near you and maybe he will attend it with you. If you attend a church, maybe speak to your pastor?

    Good luck hun. Im glad he has not done anything since, but as I stated....I suggest a support group or counseling for ya both.

    Answer by LilyPondOasis at 1:28 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't really have an answer for you other than counseling for him individually and both of you as a couple.
    Hugs and kisses. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Best wishes and God bless.

    Answer by chupachyps at 1:23 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I want to come back to answer this later when i can.....please don't close the question yet......

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:09 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I understand War is Hell but no man has the right to put their hand on a woman in anger. I hope this never happens again to you, I would seek counseling for yourself and if you can get your husband to go also. Too many woman take abuse from men and try to explain it away. Violance in any context is wrong. Please take care and seek help if you feel unsafe around him.

    Answer by rosiecheeks115 at 7:17 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • ok, i'm the same anonymous from earlier....I would never advise someone to stay in the situation....regardless if this was not his original character, whatever he's gone through may have changed him, so i still say beware.....but I wanted to reply to you basically to let you know you're not alone...while my story does not compare in most ways, in some it hubby is an alcoholic...he is sober and has been for two years...he was also sober for 4 years prior to me meeting him, but he relapsed for two solid years....i knew that he was not an abusive person, and quite frankly that he was the best person i'd ever known...a truly kind heart and a wonderful spirit....I had gone to alanon and was coping with life well...knew that i should talk to him about daily life etc, but not to have expectations....but i started to notice as time went on with his drinking that alcohol seemed to induce a different personality to come out..

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:38 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • wasn't just like someone who was suddenly angered more easily or someone who was moody...this was much more like alcohol induced skitzofrenia (sorry if that is not spelled right)....and one night he put a knife to my throat claiming he saw me cheating on him (which he didn't)....i wanted out, no matter what...i knew i had to get out because it would only likely get worse....but then he got that look on his face, like the one you're talking about..."what did i just do"....and he ran out....i didn't think he'd come back and i was making plans for a future without him....instead he called me the next morning and asked me to take him to rehab....and he's been sober ever since..... the similarities here is that something else made him behave that way..... and that something else is always going to be there....and it could always happen again.... but also that change within someone can happen...

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • ...i opted to give him another chance and i'm so very glad i did.... buuut, i we both agreed that if he drank again he would leave because it would not be safe for any of us.... kind of bitter sweet, but we are both on the same page.... and i suspect you could work out a plan with your hubby too, that if he feels that kind of anger again, that he should go and cool off outside the home before continuing a discussion avoid physical reaction and to give him some time to think....maybe he would be in agreement for his own good as well as yours.....but i would also say that if he put his hands on you in any physically angry way again, things would have to end.... i'm not in any way advising you of anything, really,.....well it sounds like maybe i am, but i didn't want to word it in such a way....i more or less want you to know you're not alone and that i understand.....but i'm not discounting the action..

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • ...and i also want to reiterate that i went to alanon, a form of counselling, and i would suggest as someone else did that you also seek counselling to help find the answers within yourself...

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Sep. 19, 2010