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8 Bumps

Why does it take so long for an adoption in the USA?

 
babybutastink

Asked by babybutastink at 11:33 AM on Sep. 19, 2010 in Adoption

Level 13 (1,009 Credits)
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Answers (23)
  • OP, you never know what makes one expectant woman considering adoption choose one couple over another. Not everyone is looking for a wealthy couple. Some might not choose a wealthy couple because they may not feel like they could relate to them, and can't imagine their children growing up like that. DH and I are making it, but money is tight since I quit my job to be a SAHM. Our first child's birth mom chose us because she liked how we answered one of the standard questions the agency had us answer (to help the women get to know more about each couple). Our second child's birth mom chose us because she thought we seemed down to earth, and she knew we could relate to her situation because our older child's birth mom had a similar situation. We are not rich by any means.

    At first I resented having to wait to be chosen, and it is hard while you're waiting for your first child. Try to see it from her point of view (cont)
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:17 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Have they considered adopting out of foster care? There are lots of little kids out there who need homes!
    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 6:03 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • There are so many "bad" people that they are making sure that the child is going to a safe place and some people dont understand that the legalities take a long time to go through. There are so many other cases that go on that it takes a while for them to get to one person in particular. I mean they really are trying to be thorough in the child's best interests.
    agriffinmom4

    Answer by agriffinmom4 at 11:50 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • The list for adopting a baby is really long and once you hit 40 you can no longer adopt a baby...and if they have any health issues that becomes a issue too. My parents were only allowed to adopt 2 of the 4 of us girls because of this.

    Normally it's quicker to adopt older kids then babies
    Smiley001

    Answer by Smiley001 at 12:12 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • It's simple really...supply vs. demand. There are more people wanting to adopt then there are babies being made available for adoption. I am referring ONLY to newborn infant adoption..where a mother is pregnant & picks a family from a list of people who are waiting to adopt (NOT talking about foster care where a child is taken from its parents due to issues such as abuse or neglect & rights are terminated).
    lisa89j

    Answer by lisa89j at 5:03 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Take too long? As opposed to International adoption? It doesn't "take so long." It feels like that sometimes but it really doesn't take so long. I did it in a few months. You are very right about the fact expectant women choose their child's adoptive family. They get to interview, to browse portfolios, make phone calls - and get to change their mind. Part of that wait is being picked as parents out of a very large stack. The real hard part is not knowing or understanding why you are not being picked. Some expectant women pick a family because they like animals and have the same type of dog she did growing up. One picked us because she liked our antiques/junk furniture and the picture of our cat. Another because she liked our sense of humor in our portfolio. Others are looking for siblings in the home or no siblings to be in the home ever. It is enough to make a waiting family want to pull their hair out

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:45 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Smiley, I am not sure where you got your info, but there are no age restrictions on adoption in the United States. My DH and I are both 40 and just adopted twin boys.

    There is no "list" any more. The birthmoms choose who they want to parent their child instead of just giving it up to the next person on the list. This may have pros and cons. I know we waited over 18 months and had a failed adoption in between. DO NOT lose faith. Everything will work out for your brother. Please PM me if you have any other questions.
    TALuke

    Answer by TALuke at 3:21 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • It is frustrating that domestic adoption can take a while. We waited 21 months to be placed with our child. Sometimes the problem is that the adoptive parents are being very restrictive about the situations they're willing to accept (i.e. lots of limitations on drug/alcohol use, prenatal care, etc). Sometimes there's just no reason. A know of people who were picked in only a few months and others who waited longer than your brother. Our agency had a "longest waiting family" rule such that if a birth mother didn't want to chose a family herself, the agency would select the family that had been waiting the longest (assuming that their profile was a match). That helped to limit the length of the wait but doesn't totally solve the problem. If you can afford it, listing with multiple agencies can sometimes help shorten the wait as well.
    momofryan07

    Answer by momofryan07 at 8:20 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Yeah, I understand that but my brother has been on the list for over two years. Its a private agency where I believe the mom to be actually has a say as to where they want the baby to go. They have been married over 13 years & that is the only thing that they are missing is a little family of their own. I guess these women that get to check out their profiles are seeing that they live in philly and maybe they dont see the white picket fence look to their house, but they are good people & want children so badly.
    babybutastink

    Comment by babybutastink (original poster) at 11:55 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • They want to weed out the bad people. There are a lot of people who want to adopt too, so the list is very long. Most couples are looking to adopt a baby, not a child or teen.
    serioussifL

    Answer by serioussifL at 1:59 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

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