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Does anyone know what happens if you go through an adoption agency and they pay your rent and stuff and then you decide not to give up the baby?

My sister is looking at adoption agencies, some of which pay rent and food. But what happens if you change your mind? Do you have to pay it back? Bc my sister is kinda the type to use things like this. She says she is going to go through with it but I think she is too selfish to do what is best for the baby in the end.


Asked by fairyinabubble at 11:50 PM on Oct. 18, 2008 in Adoption

Level 17 (4,643 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • As far as I know, if a state allows an agency to provide financial aid to a mother and she changes her mind, there is no way they can force her to pay back the money. In fact, moms used to be threatened and told if they could not pay back the money they could not keep their babies. THAT is illegal and I think it is in any state. However, a family law attorney who does adoptions would know for certain the laws of a state.


    Answer by Southernroots at 6:28 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • It depends on the agency and the state. In some states, they aren't allowed to pay your rent and food, just expenses directly related to the adoption, and then in some states, the agency contract can be written to require the girl to pay back what has been paid on her behalf if she doesn't follow through.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 11:52 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • She will need to read the contract she signs. They will not pay for anything until she signs a contract with them and then she is "legally" bound to whatever terms that are set forth.

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 11:53 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I would think it would be in the contract that she would have to pay them back. There are people desperate to have children that are paying those expenses with the "promise" of a baby. It is extremely cruel to take advantage of these people KNOWING that you have no intention of giving up the baby. Of course, there are those that go into it with true intention of giving up the baby and then change their minds when the baby is born. That happens and is OK (though there are people hurt by that, BUT it is not cruel like the other situation above), as long as the mother understands that she is morally obligated to give that money back. (cont. below)

    Answer by romeece at 9:21 AM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • (Cont. from above)

    Adoptive parents aren't all rich, like some would like to believe. Many of them put second mortgages on their homes and take out loans in order to make their dream a reality. The least the biomom that changes her mind could do is to pay it back so they can continue to try for their dream. Everyone else with kids are expected to pay their own bills, so the biomom should do the same if she decides to keep the baby. I hope your sister makes the decision that is right for her in regards to her baby, and that she makes the moral decision when it comes to the money aspect.

    Answer by romeece at 9:22 AM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • I have heard from adoptive families that had been involved in these arrangements and were not paid back. I think it is a risk that they are desperate enough to take. I'm not sure - it may be a state by state thing. If I were an adoptive family looking at doing that, I would just be sure that I didn't give to a mother anything that I wouldn't if I knew that she was going to parent her baby.

    Answer by joy2bamom at 11:45 AM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • No she will not have to pay anything back at all. Many people consider the whole idea of giving the pregnant women money coercive because if they do change their minds they may feel guilt about the money and decide to place for that reason; the wrong reason. I have to say too that deciding to raise a baby is never selfish, never. Whatever reasons she is considering adoption are probably temporary, too young, too poor, single, etc., and being raised by it's mother could well be exactly what's best for the baby in the end. What your sister needs is support from her family.

    Answer by onethentwins at 9:19 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • No, keeping the baby would be selfish and not in the best interest of the baby. She already had a 6 year she treats like crap. She's 34 and has never worked anywhere but McDonald's as a cashier. Her problems are not temporary.

    Answer by fairyinabubble at 11:12 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • We were just speaking of this excact situation the other day. It totally depends on which state the birthmom is from and also the potential adoptive parents. Some states put limits on how much money can be exchanged (they call this a cap). Either way a lawyer will have to be involved and will have to have some paperwork drawn up. With the recent increase of scams happening some states have actually went to changing laws in the legal system. With these "new laws" if money's is exchanged with the understanding of adoption at the end of the term and the birthmom changes her mind for any reason, the potential adoptive parents had some recourse in the court system. She can actually get sued!!

    Answer by waitingmomtobe at 1:33 AM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • continued from above...................sorry long answer......
    anyways just wanted to end this by saying good luck.

    Answer by waitingmomtobe at 1:35 AM on Oct. 20, 2008