Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Help my marriage is falling apart as we speak.....? adult content

My husband has had some issues on handling my 4 month old baby on weekends when I work. He gets extremely frustrated and gives me nasty texts messages about how the baby will not stop crying, while I'm at work. We only have one day, as a family, to be together due to our work schedules and have the time he sleeps, due to working the overnight. I've had no sex drive since we had our second baby and this upsets him. I feel like the taking care of two children, house work, cooking dinner and working a 34 hr three day work week is a lot on me especially when I get no help from him. When we talk he asks whats my problem, that I have the attitude and puts blame on me. What can I do to help our marriage work and last? Any advice???

Answer Question
 
mamasbboy

Asked by mamasbboy at 3:32 PM on Sep. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I would go to parenting classes with him so you can both learn to care for your kids without frustrations (that way you aren't pointing the finger at him).
    Mommy2Gabrielle

    Answer by Mommy2Gabrielle at 3:34 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • You need to COMMUNICATE. That is my advice. Talk to him, help him wit ideas on how to make the baby stop crying. Teach him soothing methods. and TALK:
    Luisa621

    Answer by Luisa621 at 3:35 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I agree, maybe some parenting classes will help. It sounds like you're both just exhausted due to the crazy work schedules and two young children. I know when mine were little, it wears you out just taking care of them and the household, and when you add working outside of the home, there's just no energy or patience left for anything else. And some guys just aren't able to handle the kids when they are babies. I know my ex didn't do anything with ours until they were 2-3 years old (each of them) because then, they were able to do some things for themselves (feed themselves, potty so no diapers) and were able to communicate without crying. It's hard enough for us as moms, but it's a built in instinct for us, where as with guys, they don't always have the natural ability to handle it. Good luck, I hope it gets better for you guys!!
    KimPippin

    Answer by KimPippin at 3:38 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • He is projecting his emotions and feelings onto you, show him that. Use specific examples and make sure you come out of the talk with a sense of moving forward and a plan
    gottalovemal

    Answer by gottalovemal at 3:43 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • gottalovemal: I've tried the specific examples before in past talks and he seemed like I was nit picking everything I said.
    kimpippin: Thanks
    Luisa621: Any ideas on communicating where it doesnt come back on me? I feel that everytime we communicate he seems to not LISTEN. Is there an easier way of making him listen? Im young at thiswe've been together for 11 years married for 7 years and I still just dont get it.
    mamasbboy

    Comment by mamasbboy (original poster) at 3:48 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Bring some humor and fun back to your relatonship. It is hard when you have young kids. Let go of all of the negativity and start smiling again. You set the tone for your home. I know you are tired, frustrated and just want a break. Since that is not going to happen, act as if you were having fun again. Get creative, smile when you don't feel like it and enjoy what you can. You will be fine, you just need to change the way you think and rise above it all. Next time he sends you nasty texts, send him a text picture of your boob. It will help him learn to laugh again too. Sex to a man is like hugs to a woman. It crushes them if they get rejected. They need it for their well being. just keep telling yourself, "my man wants ME". Even if you are "not in the mood" be there for him. It will come back 10 times over. Good Luck... Hugs !!
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 3:52 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • When my daughter was first born that was a really hard time in my marriage. My husband was not comfortable with her by himself, and wasnt later with my son either, he just didnt know how to deal with a baby, if they cried he handed them to me because he didnt know what to do. Thats what it sounds like. Give him a break, most men dont have the same instincts as most woman. About your marriage I think you need to look at how you are talking to him, sounds like you probably complain a lot. I know you are stressed and its difficult not to, but when you do that men hear that they are not doing a good enough job, and that they cant do anything right. And he wants to take care of you, he wouldnt be there taking care of the baby, and working, and trying to spend time with you if he didnt. So I think its hard on him. Not having sex is not a good idea (cont)
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 4:05 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I know that from experience, when we were going through a rough patch it was my husband who turned me down all the time, because he was overwhelmed, but even though I knew the reason for it didnt make it hurt any less. Not to mention sex brings you closer together. If we even go a week without it, my husband and I get way more irritable with eachother. When we were having a hard time we got in a negative circle, he thought everything I said was mean against him, and I thought the same about everything he said. So someone had to break that. Since he wasnt going to I did, because my marriage was that important. It wasnt easy, I stopped complaining, and started complementing him for the good things he did. If he said something negative I would just let it go, and try to see where he was coming from, a lot of times he had a good point. The love dare helped us, I learned a lot of it was my attitude just like my husband said
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 4:09 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • The man misses his wife, and you are trying to do way too many things. The two of you need to sit down and try to figure out how you can spend more time together. The house doesn't have to be spotless, and you can use a crock-pot for dinner. Figure out ways to simplify your too complicated lives. Look at what you can do without, where you can cut some corners. Don't accuse him of it all being his fault. Lose your anger toward him and lower your expectations. Try to find some things about which you can be positive and complimentary. Throw away the negativity. He is missing his wife and feels like you are blaming him. That's a very bad combination.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:33 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Get someone else to watch the kids. Men don't always make good caregivers. It's not natural to them like it is to moms.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
do u even care about ur kids?

Next question overall (About CafeMom)
Siggies ?

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN