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Should I ask the court to intervene so that my 14 yr old DD doesn't have to spend as long during summer w/dad because of new wife and other issues?

I live in TN and my ex lives in IN. I have 3 kids, 2 college age boys at IU, 20 & 18 and a 14 yr old dd who lives w/me & my husband in TN. DD has legitmate issues w/stepmom. (She has said my dd is too old to "sit on dad's lap and hug & kids on him" & then proceeds to sit on dad's lap herself & this summer got in her face like she was a teen too and my 20 yr old son had to get between them - stepmom is 48!) Dad doesn't schedule majority of his vacation to be with them and my dd doesn't really have anything else to do when he's gone. (Stepmom "works" too) The older boys don't have to go to dad's but they usually do because it's all about sports and fun for them. Next summer w probably be much different and dd doesn't want to be "stuck" alone with stepmom & dad w/b working alot. There's much more involved regarding support & in court now so now is the best time to address the court about it. FYI-DD has tried to talk to dad.

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martybobsgal

Asked by martybobsgal at 4:07 PM on Sep. 19, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • its her dad, not some child molester.
    if she doesn't wanna go have be a grown up and talk to her dad about why.
    the Court would have no legal stance on this cuz its a personal issue, not a legal one.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 4:17 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • That's tough. My kids didn't want to spend summers with their stepmom while their dad spent the majority of his time working, playing golf, and all the other things he did. We lived in IN when they were teens. Their dad lived near Anderson. They worked at a Cub Scout camp near Anderson and they went and spent every Sat night (their only night off) with their dad. Their dad could go out to camp and see them any time he wanted. I lived in Muncie, about half an hour away, and my youngest son (different dad) and I could go to camp a couple of times a week and see them. They worked at camp for years. They had an OK stepmom, she was too religious and tried to make them into her sons because she couldn't have children. It all worked out because their dad didn't really want them around all the time and they were popular at camp and he was proud of them.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 4:17 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • If your divorce was in IN teens have some say in what they do. We all got along and my ex and I never went to court over anythning. I am disabled and the boys did need money that they earned from their summer job. Perhaps your son could get a summer job where his father lives that keeps him away from his stepmom but allows him to be with his father. Summer jobs can be hard to find. Scout camps are always looking for good kids and there are day camps that the kids don't have to live at. Scouting experience is preferred but not required. They hire girls at boy and cub scout camps. One of my sons met his wife both of them working at camp. City parks hire teens to work at park progams. He is probably not going to be able to get away with just not going unless that's what his father is ok with.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 4:26 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I would see what your child wants... And then go from there..
    MAKEMYDAY101

    Answer by MAKEMYDAY101 at 4:36 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I would ask for a Guardian Ad Litum for your daughter to address the visitation needs. They will be able to work with your daughter regarding visitation separately from you and your exs issues.
    dance45133

    Answer by dance45133 at 4:42 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • @  Zoeyis.  If you re-read my question, the last thing I stated is that I suggested that she talk to her dad about her issues. She has talked to him on numerous occasions because when she would text or call while she was on visitation with him I made it clear to her that she needs to talk to him about things and only if they still had issues then she should let me know & I would try to talk to her dad.  The problem here is that even though our  daughter is "his little princess" (what he calls her), his new "Queen" has him by the family jewels and he always takes her side.  If our daughter has anything to say he just says she is more like her mother (me) everyday. I personally take that as a compliment even though I know its not meant as one.  She does want to visit him but its more about the length of concurrent time.

    martybobsgal

    Comment by martybobsgal (original poster) at 6:04 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • @ Gailll  Thanks for your input.  I have suggested that she talk to her dad about maybe working/voluteering at a local day camp or something that would get her involved with kids her own age and/or find some sort of summer program she could get involved in but it never went anywhere because "it's his time with her" even though he isn't even there.  He is alot like your ex in that he works alot of hours and then golfs, bowls or goes to Cubs games, etc. which he has included the boys when he wanted to but that type of stuff isn't ALWAYS what our daughter wants to do. Once in awhile is ok but she shouldn't have to be last on his agenda. She usually gets "dumped" on other relatives while she's there & usually to "babysit" their kids.  I don't want this to be a court issue but unfortunately it becomes one because he just wants he so he can get the Parenting Time Credit.

    martybobsgal

    Comment by martybobsgal (original poster) at 6:20 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • @ dance45133  Thanks for your suggestion.  I obviously don't want to have to get into the Guardian Ad Litem situation.  There are other issues when they are visiting their dad that I'm not happy with and I don't want everything to be out for one person to decide. I know that my kids would just resent me if they had to talk to an outside party and that person then said they can't even see their dad due to things they may say or have to answer.  I'm not trying to keep her or the boys away from him.  All children need both parents even in we aren't perfect.

    martybobsgal

    Comment by martybobsgal (original poster) at 6:32 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Sounds like your daughter's stepmom is a bit immature. She should act 48 not 12. Honestly, you have to do what you have to do. Your daughter is 14, in most states she is old enough to decide whether she wants to spend that long with Dad or not.
    OneToughMami

    Answer by OneToughMami at 9:22 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • @ OneToughMami  Thanks. The funny thing is that my daughter told her the exact same thing.  Of course I had to hold back a laugh but then I told her that even though she was right that she should speak to her stepmom that way. lol  The stepmom is not only immature but she is self indulgent and doesn't even try to understand that the kids are only there for a brief time during the summer and some holidays, etc. and that she has their dad the rest of the time.  She is very materialistic and from what I've been told, "She'll do anyone with a Gold Card".  She is just now realizing he isn't the golden goose she thought and I'm afraid she is gonna dump him after she ruins his relationship with his kids and spends all the money he should be providing the kids for college & such.

    martybobsgal

    Comment by martybobsgal (original poster) at 10:31 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

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