Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

Anybody else dealing with a Husband who thinks he doesn't need to follow basic house rules?

My kids are 3 & 4, my SO is 31... I don't have tons of rules around here, just basic stuff - scrape & put your plates in the sink, don't leave dirty clothes and towels on the floor, put your shoes and coat in the closet when you take them off - BASIC STUFF!

It's hard for me to enforce these rules on my kids, when my SO refuses to follow them. When he grew up, the boys had NO house rules, because it was their "sister's job" to keep the house cleaned up and take care of the boys. Well, frankly, I'm not a maid and see no reason to raise slobs just because they are boys. When I mention it to him, he says he's not my child and I have no right to impose rules on him in his own house - which okay, it IS his house, but seriously, it's not like I'm asking that he actually gets on his knees and do floors, I'm asking that he put his clothes in the hamper... WTH?

Answer Question

Asked by SabrinaMBowen at 6:18 PM on Sep. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 40 (122,988 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • If you are not his child, you should not be his mother or the maid and clean up after him. And if it's his house, you really don't need to be taking care of it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:21 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • i told my dh that if he didn't man up and put up his nice clean neatly folded clothes himself i would throw them outside. he knows by now that i am serious. if he chooses not to help me i choose not to help him. i like to be taken seriously and it's a partnership, i ask him to do very simple things, i don't command him to do so. he should want to help me keep my sanity and keeping a neat house helps me do that.

    Answer by angevil53 at 6:22 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Well, it's not like he does NO housework, he simply refuses to do the day to day stuff. If I get the laundry ready, he takes them down and washes them - because I simply refuse to go in the basement with his brother - He'll do the dishes occasionally, and if walls get scrubbed it's because HE does them. My issue really isn't that he isn't willing to pitch in, it's simply that he won't do the basic every day pick up after yourself stuff that really helps keep the house clean and it's hard to enforce this stuff on my kids when Dad doesn't do it...

    Comment by SabrinaMBowen (original poster) at 6:26 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • does he have a garage he works in? If he does, give him a taste of his own medicine.

    Answer by lovinangels at 6:27 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I would think as an adult breadwinner in the home he'd have been a part of setting up the ground rules. You make him sound like he's a bad little boy who won't behave. Try treating him as an adult and not a child. He may respond better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:27 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • She is not treating him like a child, HE should be man enough to pick up after himself. This to me is not fair to his wife, I disagree with some of the posts. At the end of the day us ladies would like to sit down to!!! Not to be picking up after a big kid.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:36 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • really, I think you are making a bigger deal than necessary. You say he helps with other stuff, so why can't you just let this go? Is it really going to kill you to scrap his plate too? Or to throw his socks in the hamper? There are bigger things that you could be fighting over, this is not something that you should be making a big deal out of IMPO.

    Answer by stressedmomma13 at 6:39 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • if you are already cleaning up, it is not going to kill you to take a couple of extra seconds to pick up the towels he left behind.

    Answer by stressedmomma13 at 6:41 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I agree with you, he is not setting a good example for the kids and how they need to respect you and their belongings/home. If he can't take responsibility for himself, either should you.

    Answer by QandA at 6:44 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Stressedmomma13 are you kidding, do you do that for your husband all the time? I disagree. Why should she have to do it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.