• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

my mom....

ok so ive been thinking about this alot lately.... my mom has not been in my life since i was 4 years old- and i am glad cause she was a very very VERY bad mother to say the least! in a few short months im going to be giving birth to my first child, a little girl. i dont want my mom to know but she will cause i still talk to other family members on that side. my mother in law will be in my daughters life but i dont want my mom to be in hers.... what should i tell my daughter when she starts asking about her? i feel like i wanna tell her the truth but i dont want her to know about all the bad people in the world (lets just say abuse in more than one way is involved in my childhood cause of my mom).


how should i deal with questions or should i just lie and say she is dead (cause honestly thats how i feel about my mom)

Answer Question
 
pinkdena

Asked by pinkdena at 7:04 PM on Sep. 19, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 19 (6,760 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • i would be honest, but reserved in answering questions. i would say something like "she wasnt very nice to mommy so mommy doesnt talk to her". you have a while though. my dd is 3 1/2 and has never asked about my dad, who is dead.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 7:08 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • i think the best way is to talk to a doctor about this and get his or her professional opinion. a child's mind is very delicate so when it involves children the best thing to do is to educate are self to be able to give them the best and safest answers.  

    iNk-FrEaK

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 7:08 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • You have several years until it comes up and by then your daughter will understand that she has never seen this grandma.


    Tell her you didn't grow up in the same house with your mom like most kids do,  instead you lived with _______ when you were her age. As she gets older and asks more questions just give more information, like grandma had personal problems and wasn't able to take care of me when I was young, so I lived with ______ who was able to take really good care of me and love me as much as I love you.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:10 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • The truth is the best thing. If you lie and she finds out she has a grandmother she never met, she may become angry at you. When she does ask about your bio mom, simply tell her that she was not a very nice person and because of that she is not a part of our lives. When she is older and understands things like abuse, then perhaps you can tell her everything, but if she doesn't ask after the first time, there's no reason to delve into it. NEVER lie to your child no matter what!
    JGRIMMER

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 7:10 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • your child NEEDS to know about the bad stuff in this world..... it's better to be prepared, yet to know that for every bad person in the world, theres 10 good people... you don't even have to tell her about anything that happened, just that your mother wasn't a good person. she wasn't able to take care of you or herself, so it is best for your daughter to not be around her. (this is a good explanation until about 10...) but after that, if she asks, you really SHOULD tell her the truth.
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 7:12 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • thanks.... my father took care of me and my older brother... she basically abandoned us as children... my father is going to be in my daughters life soo much!!!!
    pinkdena

    Comment by pinkdena (original poster) at 7:15 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • Dont be to worry i know what you are going though. just tell your daughter what happen be honesy she need to know this thing about bad people and the world becouse you dont want what happen to you happen to her just let her know so it want but you can't live and fear all you life about what is going to happen. if you mother find out so what doesnt mean she can come to you house or you daughter can go to her house
    march3-2011

    Answer by march3-2011 at 7:17 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.