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Hubby asked me to leave part 3

I was gone all night last night and came home today at hubbys request. It felt wierd because I actually enjoyed being away from him but I missed the kids like crazy. He on the other hand said he kept waiting to hear me drive up. So tonight we lay down (we had the fight in our bed) and I remember the fight we had and I feel really terrible because of things he said. So he asks me how I feel in a sweet loving way, so I tell him that I just feel uncomfortable because of the fighting we had in the bed and he gets upset and says that it is all about me and I don't care about his feelings. COMPLETELY turns it around on me! I'm like WTF! So I spend the next few hours trying to drag out of him what it is he is upset about. He refuses and sulks. I was like "are you kidding me? You missed me last night and now your going to sulk all night about being upset that I don't see your feelings while you refuse to tell me what it is!?"...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:11 AM on Sep. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Cont...so now he has left the house and I actually feel good about him being gone. UGH! I don't want a divorce!!!! I kept telling him I cared and he just kept saying I didn't! I do not get him at all!! What the hell is going on?????
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:14 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • It sounds like you do need the time apart, I don't know any one 100% wants a divorce but if this has all caused so much relief than you need to follow that. I've been following this and I said a prayer for you after your original post. Focus on the kids and if a divorce happens let it, you will make it through, he will and the less fighting the better for your children.
    DonnaPinitonya

    Answer by DonnaPinitonya at 2:20 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Thank you, donna. I honestly do not know what the heck the issue is! We were happy. But lately it feels like he doesn't want me to have any feelings whatsoever. Everytime I say I feel anything its like he turns it back on me. And he's just decided that I need to be someone I am not, an emotionless person. He got mad and keeps saying that we can't make it. So I leave and he wants me back but then gets mad for a reason I have no clue about and he won't explain to me. I almost thought maybe he met someone and was trying to cause drama to get me to leave. But I really have no reason to believe that at all. I just see things going really bad. I am worried this is the beginning of the end. 9 years of marriage down the drain!?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:38 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • What about a marriage counsler?
    DonnaPinitonya

    Answer by DonnaPinitonya at 2:43 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • We went to a counselor before and to be honest we spend the entire time talking about things I did wrong. It was overwhelming to me. There was one day that something came up about him and the counselor made a suggestion to him and he absolutely refused. I felt bad because the counselor seemed embarrassed or upset. I went to a couselor by myself and it helped me with some depression I felt. She was helpful but to be honest I worked on issues I had and didn't mention hubby too much.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:49 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Since talking doesn't seem to be working, can you maybe write him a letter? I think writing things down makes them easier to edit for negative blame statements, etc and can actually be a great tool for communicating about topics that are highly emotional. Maybe try writing him a letter and in it, ask him to respond with a letter of his own. Maybe he'll feel more free to say what is on his mind that way.
    ShaunnaMichelle

    Answer by ShaunnaMichelle at 2:53 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Can you actually say that you are the person you would want to live with? Men are pretty simple, but you have to treat them right to get the results you want. It appears that there might be some character defects that you are not owning. Silence the thoughts in your head and take a true look at yourself. How do you treat him? Are you full of drama and chaos? Are you trying to love or maipulate him? Maybe it is time to look at yourself and make some changes. Blaming everyone and everything without taking responsibility won't change anything. It is cruel to threaten people - it is a sideways attempt to control. Quit the threats and take a look in the mirror. Learn to be direct without manipulation. Accept the fact that YOU might just be the problem. Not trying to be rude, just my opinion. Hugs !! .
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 9:42 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I think if you both start writing to each other it will help. He doesn't KNOW what's wrong, much less how to tell you. He needs help to figure it out. He needs to see his doc, med doc. Get bloodwork done. Something might be wrong. His testosterone levels could be off. He needs a physical. Seriously. But, get 2 notebooks, one for you and one for him. This way you can edit, and take out any negative and blaming statements. You can also get out what you need to say without any interruptions. No crying. No pouting. But if you don't want a divorce, fight for your marriage. Don't fight with him, fight for your marriage. That doesn't mean you have to put up with any of his BS, or let him put you down. Call him on that, stop him as soon as he starts with the 'you always' 'you never' shit. Make a list of statements like that, things that can't be said. By either of you. Those statements do damage. When he looks like he's hurting, hug.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:35 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

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