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Sheltering kids...

Is it ok to shelter your kids? My husband and I have decided as a couple that we will never let our children stay the night with another friend, unless it is absolutely necessary. Also, they won't be allowed to "go out" with friends without supervision, until they are at least 16-17 years old. My husband was raised this way, as were his siblings, and it definately kept them out of trouble and they are all well adjusted people. I was allowed to do whatever I wanted, and went through hell. I was allowed to go whenever I wanted, and always lied about where I was. I got into alot of trouble and suffered needlessly.

Do you think it is appropriate to be strict with children in this way or not? What could it hurt?

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momof3josephs

Asked by momof3josephs at 8:32 AM on Sep. 20, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (3,050 Credits)
Answers (26)
  • I think It's good but like everything else not to an extreme. I was very sheltered growing up and all it did for me was make me act out and be wild when they had no more control. I didnt get into huge trouble but I wasnt a great older teen. But my younger sister who my mother let pretty much do what she wanted is doing great....she's very level headed and I think it's because she got all the silly stuff out of her system when she was a little younger. I think it also depends on the child.
    Finkette

    Answer by Finkette at 8:37 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • If I know the parents, and the child, I don't have a problem with my kids staying the night somewhere. I always did it when I was a kid and we did nothing but watch movies, stay up late and giggle. I don't see what the big deal is.
    I think being too strict can be suffocating and doesn't allow your children to exercise the good judgement I have instilled in them. Or show them that I trust them.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 8:37 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I can see how it could be both good and bad. Bad in the sense that your child(ren) aren't as adjusted to being at other people's houses overnight (their friends) and learning to go by whatever rules are set down at different places. On the other hand, you will always know where you're kids are.

    I was allowed to go places, stay the night with friends, etc. But, I could only go to friends's houses if my parents (one or the other, or sometimes even both) knew the parents of said friend, or if we were going out somewhere I had to call and check in every hour or two to let my mom know where we were and that things were still ok. And if things changed, I still had to call her and let her know.
    QueenMomma2023

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 8:38 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • There is a difference between "sheltering" and "smothering". There is a difference between boundaries and restriction.
    You give your children rules and boundaries and consequences to actions, but don't keep the so sheltered that when they get out from under your roof they don't know what to do and end up going hog wild.

    Never letting them spend the night at a friends - sleepovers are such a wonderful part of childhood. We allowed our children this, but only with families that we know.

    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:38 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • haha! My grammar was a little goofy there! Sorry! :)
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 8:40 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • You lied about where you were but you were able to do what you wanted? I guess your post confused me... As for sheltering, we let our boys(7, and 8 yrs old) spend the night at friends once in a while. As long as we know the parents, and the children, it's fine. We have a 14 yr old son and he won't go out with friends unless there's adult supervision no matter what. We don't live in town, or the city, we live out in the country so our boys are home more than anywhere else when they have free time. I think keeping them from having some freedoms is counter productive, they're going to want to get out more if you don't let them have some time away from you. My parents were like you're talking about and I couldn't wait to get away from them when I had the chance.... I wasn't a bad child, but I hated my parents for it... I think there's a middle ground, and feel what we're doing is what's best for our boys..
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 8:41 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I should have clarified....they are allowed to have sleepovers at home. I am very sleepover friendly, we play games, have snacks, watch movies really late, all of that...
    momof3josephs

    Comment by momof3josephs (original poster) at 8:41 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I was "allowed" to do whatever I wanted because no matter what I said they never checked up on me. I actually had made up friends, say "sarah'', that I would go spend the night with, but in reality I was at a party or with a boy or something. I used the term allowed, because they let me lie.
    momof3josephs

    Comment by momof3josephs (original poster) at 8:44 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • http://www.science20.com/rogue_neuron/dont_shelter_your_children_coping_stress_child_develops_resilience_and_emotion_regulation_adult


    Too much sheltering is not good for kids. Why wouldn't you let your child have a sleep over? I think that is mean & very over paranoid. My DD has had many. Of course, we know the families & trust them very much. There is also a good chance one of your children might rebel. That is a lot more common that you'd think. Times are different than when your DH was young. How you raise your kids will not be the same as when his parents did. Your children are different people too & might react differently.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:47 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I think you should have an open mind and see if anything changes over the years. You never know when you might feel differently about an issue. I think your plan is better than one that is too lax. It's easier to relax a little in the future than to implement rules after having none. I wish my parents had been a little more diligent watching what I was doing. I had some rules but sould have had a few more! Best wishes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:53 AM on Sep. 20, 2010

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