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It's over; it's what I wanted, but why does it still hurt?

He ended it this time, making it our fifth time during a four year period. He's my child's father and being with him totally drained me. I'm happy about finally moving on and I know during healing I'll go up and down. I don't want this to hurt because I don't WANT to care. Does this make sense? And even after more than one breakup, why do you still always want to know if they're hurting to?

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His_Mommy26

Asked by His_Mommy26 at 12:08 PM on Sep. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (32 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Change is always hard and just because the breakup might be a good thing doesn't mean there weren't some good times during the relationship also. It's also hard because of your child, their life changes too and it's an adjustment. It's okay to feel sad.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 12:10 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Thank you RyansMom001. You're right. Unfortunately, my son doesn't know his father except as a voice over the phone. He's been incarcerated and we still kept things going though he hasn't been around. I decided to wait at first. It's a "special" situation but it is indeed over.
    His_Mommy26

    Comment by His_Mommy26 (original poster) at 12:15 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I still have this problem sometimes...my ex cheated on me numerous times, and was abusive...and we've been split up for a year and half now, i've moved on and met an amazing guy, but i still think about him sometimes...he's my childs father and as much as i hate him, i was in love with him at one time...
    I just try to think of all the things that he did wrong to me, that usually helps
    BradensMom1026

    Answer by BradensMom1026 at 12:18 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • when feeling torn a part
    remember back when you had another very hard time, and remember how it felt back then-you would never get over it, felt the world was going to end etc etc, now remember how small your feeling are now to that issue back then, feel the strength you have over the past issue..now use your brain to know you will get over this one too
    mediate on how your life will be in a year from now, how you will be able to look back on this too and feel strength over this
    you are strong and will overcome this too
    just human nature to want to know that the partner you are not with still wants you or hrts over the break up
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:24 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • You still hold a place in your heart for him even if he was the worst of the worst. For four years that man meant something to you. As a boyfriend, as a friend, even just as a warm body to come home to. It's hard to let that side of things go even if the relationship didn't hold strong in the end. And when it comes down to wanting those feelings to go away physically and mentally, your heart still holds onto them to protect itself from the inevitable. The heartache, the pain, even though you want this breakup too, it still is going to come as a shock to your heart. The place you held everything good and romantic about this guy.

    In time you'll find ways to tell your heart it's okay to let it go, it's okay to move on, and your heart will eventually comply. But it's only natural, especially after four years to still feel that tug of losing him. Again, even if it was a mututal breakup that you both wanted.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:30 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Yeah it hurts. I did think about previous situations where I thought I would "never get over it". It shocks me because HE let go this time. It was always me (maybe it's my pride, being truthful). I did love him, I care about him, but he's no good for me. But thanks Moms.
    His_Mommy26

    Comment by His_Mommy26 (original poster) at 12:35 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Pick up a book called CRAZY TIME by Abigail Trafford. You indeed have special circumstances, but this book might help. It's written for people going through divorce - but I think that the feelings relate to everyone whether they're married or not.

    And don't be surprised when CRAZY feelings pop up from time to time. You're connected to this man through your child. Just stay centered on all that is good in your life. Good luck and God bless you all.
    MeggieSwan

    Answer by MeggieSwan at 12:36 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Okay! Thanks MeggieSwan! Blessings to you as well.
    His_Mommy26

    Comment by His_Mommy26 (original poster) at 12:43 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • well maybe you 2 been together for a long time so of course it still going to hurt but in time you will get better & move on & you will smile & be more happy again
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 4:02 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

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