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2 Bumps

couple therapy - he is a porn/sexual addict, and of course he does not see that

we have gone once, therapist did ask him if he thought he was porn addict
he of course said no
he agreed to go again, then backed out, now agrees again, we have session tuesday-tomorrow, if he still agrees to do i talk about his addiction, bring it up to therapist, if he denies, do i just throw my hands up and give up?

he is on porn ALOT, he does not see me as a woman but a toy to use after his porn watching, I am so close to walking out the door, the other day he said if i do not strap one on and do him, he will find someone who will and i will have to move with our daughter. then when i ask him about saying this a few days later-he denys ever saying it? is he losing his memory? is he is such denile that he does not know what he says to me? Is he playing mind games with me? is he lieing about saying it so i do not say it to therapist?

i want this therapy to be as much as it can be, but i am feeling helpless


Asked by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Sep. 20, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • That's mental abuse. I'm sorry to say it, but it is. IMO, you should separate promptly until he really gets help, and that means going to therapy without you. You need to see that you have power in this relationship as well.

    Answer by lovinangels at 12:36 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I think he has some major issues. If he is in denial there is nothing much you can do except get out of there until he gets the help he needs.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 12:42 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • my ex has same problem and it ultimately ended our marriage.

    Answer by mrsmostafa at 1:22 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Get proof. Tape record him talk, video camera, whatever it takes. Record what he's saying and take to the therapist.


    Answer by isabellalecour at 1:58 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • i think isabella is out of line saying to have all this proof. what are you going to do play all these things & humiliate him. i hope not. i think if you bring that up to the therapist that she will see he's lying by his reaction. i really don't think him saying that to you proves he has a porn addiction. the fact that he is on there all the time and it's affecting your marriage is the proof. he has to admit it & he may try to minimize the whole situation. he is embarrassed now that he said that to & trying to take it back. porn has a way from turning what wouldn't be normal sexual acts to something pleasing. if you were to just say that he is asking that you do things to him that he sees on porn would give her enough light into the situation. not to say exactly what he did say. i'm sure the therapist has seen it all the time the denial that men have. it's her job to help him realize that he does have an addiction not yours.

    Answer by melody77 at 3:09 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • it's your choice to see if you want to stay. other then the porn addiction is he a good father, provider etc etc. i would weigh those options and continue with therapy. see how things go before i totally wrote him off. after all you guys built something together and it could be repaired to what extent i don't know but it wouldn't hurt to wait and see.

    Answer by melody77 at 3:10 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Melody, when dealing with a pathological lier, proof is the best way to prove to yourself that your not losing it yourself. If she has proof of what he's been saying to her, she can A) show him that he does need help or B) choose to walk knowing he's incapable of change where he is at that point in his life. Porn addiction isn't the biggest problem here, the lying and then denying is. It's a form of mental emotional abuse and it's much harder to prove and to change without shoving in their face!

    Answer by isabellalecour at 4:02 PM on Sep. 20, 2010