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How do I deal with my MIL

I have always gotten along with my MIL until she divorced her Husband last year. Now she seems to love to cause drama. If we don't come over everytime she mentions she'll be home , we don't love her and she gets pissed. This last week takes the cake though, at my dd 1st b-day party she invited all of her family to go watch her son play football. These family members were an hour late to the party and went to watch the game so they missed the entire party. I get she had to go watch her son (though it was ok for him to miss games to go to a pro football game and go to an amusment park). but to take all the rest a dh fam was rude! Now she has the gull to say we need to have separate b-day parties for my fam and his, cause she's not comfortable around my fam. And apparently I'm overbearing and don't like her when I've done nothing but try to keep the peac and be nice. I love my MIL but her attitude lately is pissing me off! Help

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Asked by Calleighsmommy2 at 2:31 PM on Sep. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (127 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • sounds like she is trying to get attention because she is lonely. She is acting like a child! I would continue on with the things that you need to do and if she wants to participate she can or if she would rather throw temper tantrums let her go at it. Soon enough she will realize that she is not getting what she wants and is missing out on important things in her grandchilds life because she is being childish herself. I would not have a second party, this is her grandchild, if she can not set aside her feelings for a few hours so that her grandchild can enjoy both sides of her family during her birthday party she needs to re-evaluate what is important in her life. Just continue to be nice to her but dont give in to silly demands. good luck momma!

    Answer by foxracing43701 at 2:37 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she's suffering because of the divorce and it's affecting her behavior. That said, there are reasonable requests (like having a meatless dish at a party for vegetarians to enjoy) and unreasonable ones (like having two parties because an adult claims she feels uncomfortable around your family, or like assuming that everyone drop what they're doing and come over whenever she feels like it.) Be polite, be reasonable, be firm when needed. Hopefully when she gets over the hump of the divorce she'll be easier to deal with.

    Answer by SWasson at 2:37 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I would tell her how you feel. You did once before have a good relationship with her. I would be mad if they missed the party to. Try to move on so it does not get out of hand. I do agree with you, she was wrong. Good Luck.

    Answer by sta517 at 2:38 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I know how you feel mine is crazy too. We use to be really close and then one day she went nuts on me! I would not do anything to cater to her needs. I can not believe the rest of the family would miss the 1st birthday party for a football game. I am really sorry I know that had to hurt! I would never have 2 parties because one person wants to be an ass. Good Luck!

    Answer by cally101123 at 2:39 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Just tell her no. Stay in control of your own life. Don't let her control your's. Tell her the date and time of the party and if she misses it then she'll get over it or SHE can throw another party for the child. You should not be inconvenienced for her whims. As for not loving her when she wants visits, tell her you are sorry she feels that way but you have other obligations and responsibilities to attend to.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:04 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Thanks ladies, I feel so much better knowing that im not being irrational. I have stayed firm in all our decision (dh and I). The thing is alot of the stuff she's so upset about are decision hubby has mostly made himself yet I'm the bad guy. I'm trying to be patient as she works through all the emotion of being divorced. But I shouldn't have to be so stressed out over why she doesn't like me. I was literally in tears today over the things she is telling dh (not to me mind you) I hate that he is in the middle, but she keeps putting him there and I just don't know how to fix it.

    Comment by Calleighsmommy2 (original poster) at 7:56 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Sounds like a lonly bitter woman that likes drama in the life..........don't feed into it. Not your problem and no one should be telling you who to have or have not in your home. Tell her to go get some help to cope with this divorce. Good luck hon.


    Answer by zbee at 2:33 PM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • i am here for you any time you want to talk!!!, owner of mother in law support group!

    Answer by gardenchic at 2:07 PM on Sep. 29, 2010

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