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2 Bumps

If my husbands family is really screwed up does that mean he's gonna be too?

Parents are divorced alcoholics, so is his entire family. Different types of abuse. They have treated him like dirt, the unwanted child, the "dumb ass" etc throughout his life, but he is still expected to do things for them.
His brother is having another baby with a woman who's last husband died and was pregnant by him 2 mos later...she beats him, threatens him, takes pills, and her other kids are caring for the baby.
Everyone fights with eachother. They call one person an alcoholic while holding a drink in their own hand... I worry sometimes. He doesn't act like them, but I worry.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:45 PM on Sep. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Some people use bad examples as role models for how they should behave, others use it as examples for how they shouldn't. You've gotta figure out which camp he's in.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 2:47 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • My DH's family are self-absorbed drama queens. All of their kids have been in and out of trouble, none of them appear happy, and every get together ends up with at least two of his sisters in a screaming match. My DH is nothing like any of them. I know his family isn't as messed up as yours, but I think that if you aren't seeing him act like them he probably isn't. Every family has a "black sheep" lol
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 2:47 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • lol. Not necessarily. A lot of that is choice. So far he has chosen not to follow in their foot steps. I have a friends whos whole family is nuts. Literally nuts. She is the ONLY self sufficient person in her whole family because she chose to be. She wanted more than that. I guess your husband does to. That makes you very lucky to have such a wise and loving husband!
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 2:48 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Not necessarily. Sometimes among the thorns there is a rose. Sometimes the person from the disturbed family is able to get himself together, recognizes what is wrong with his family, and be determined to not be that way.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:48 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I hope not! My husbands family is screwed up too I refer to them as the crazies! His parents are seperated but refuse to divorce. His dad lives with his girlfriend of over 5 years and his father is a jerk! He was once an alcoholic and for all we know he still is we hardly see him that much.
    MelSwim7

    Answer by MelSwim7 at 2:49 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Hey, I've heard that when you get involved in a relationship with the guy you are inviting the family into your life as well to some degree. I do believe there is truth to that thinking. The more you get to know this guy, the more you can see for yourself what kind of person he is and you can judge for yourself. Also you should listen to your gut instincts too.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 2:49 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • He may be the exception to the rule. My DH comes from a family of drug addicts and alcoholics, none of whom ever completed high school, and most of whom are an endless sources of drama. DH has never so much as touched a cigarette in his life, moved far away from them when he turned 18, and has almost completed his degree in Political Science. So...there you go. :) No, it doesn't necessarily mean he'll be screwed up.
    aliceryannesmom

    Answer by aliceryannesmom at 2:50 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • sometimes the apple doesn't fall far the tree but someone may keep it up and make apple pie with it. you just never know. i do believe that in most cases there are products of an awful family back ground but that not everyone is effected the same way. i turned out ok and my younger brother. i wasn't always ok though and we have been hurt and disadvantaged due to my fathers lack of being a true father etc etc.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 2:58 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • He certainly will have scars but it doesn't always mean he's as crazy as they are. My ex came from a family of insane alcoholics. He never smoked or drank but he built up anger and ended up being an abuser. After ten yrs with him I had to go. He bottled all that anger up from his life with them and took it out on me. I left. It doesn't mean your man will do that but keep lines of communication open with him so he gets all his feelings out and not bottled up.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:00 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I don't think so, atleast I hope not. My husbands sister and brother are so dramatic and also extremelu bossy. My husband nicknamed his sister "drill sargeant" because that's how she is. They are also very 2 faced and backstabbing. They are nice to your face, but they will trash everyone behind their backs, even kids. My husbands other sister is soooo sweet and kind, she can't stand her sister. My husbands other brother is laid back and also sweet. I have to bite my tounge when his backstabbing brother and sister are around. I have went off on them before and I know it shocked them because I am so quiet, but don't cross me or I turn into the biggest b*tch.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

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