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Is it bad that I feel simultaneously guilty and frustrated by this?

I had a baby 6 weeks ago. He doesn't like to be put down. I also have a whirlwind of a 2 year old. I CANNOT keep the house up. I try my damndest. I use a baby carrier and am able to usually keep the dishes up and some minimal picking up, but my toddler outpaces me a lot. The house is in pretty bad shape, and my back hurts from trying to get it cleaned up. I'm also still bleeding and I feel like it's because I'm doing too much and have been since the first week, when I took on my regular duties, so far as I am able.

I feel TERRIBLE about this. I need help. I don't have any family or friends nearby who can help me out. I have asked my husband several times and he forgets and I don't want to ride his ass about this... I feel like it's my job. I stay at home with the kids and he works to provide for us. I WANT to be able to keep the house cleaner than it is, but I really just can't.

What do I do?


Asked by Ati_13 at 3:49 PM on Sep. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 24 (21,184 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • You need to have him do some of it. I know it sucks to have to ask for help from someone (especially when they should KNOW to help) and when you are so used to do ing everything... but it is his baby too and he needs to be helping in the house for now.

    It isn't forever.

    Answer by Memigen at 4:09 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • You need to just let it go. Stop feeling bad about things not being perfect. Get some rest, get healed and just relax for a little while. Stressing yourself out is going to make the healing process slow down.

    Answer by kittyhasclaws at 3:57 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Adding- the bleeding picks up after a day of trying to keep the hosue clean :( I'm seriously sick of the bleeding lol.

    Comment by Ati_13 (original poster) at 3:50 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • see if your husband would be willing to hire someone temporarily until you get more energy. 6 weeks out after having a baby is not long enough to build your strength.


    Answer by keisha613 at 3:51 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Keisha, we can't afford hired help for sure :( Good idea, though.

    Comment by Ati_13 (original poster) at 3:53 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • You just had a baby...which is a MAJOR medical procedure for the body. Your DH needs to help with the slack. There is no excuse for that. And forgetting is just an excuse to get out of helping.

    2 months of him pitching in is not something that needs to be nagged about.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:23 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • TELL HIM .....

    TO KISS YOUR ASS !!!!!!!

    GET OVER IT !!!!!

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 10:41 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I agree your husband need s to help for a bit wether he likes it or not. You need to rest, getting stressed out is not going to help you get better any faster. And don't worry about having a perfect home while you have toddlers you will wear yourself out trying trust me. Tell him to get off his butt and help till you get back on your feet , its not going to kill him.

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 11:03 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • When that happened to me, I went on strike! I told my hubby if he wanted the house clean for his friends, he would have to do it himself! Hmmm, now that I think about it, did I ever call OFF that strike?

    I was raised to believe that a clean home was all important too, but its really not. Your kids are. The house will always need cleaning, but your kids will not be kids forever. Enjoy them at whatever stage they are at, and screw the house! The pressure is just not worth the payoff.

    Answer by WyndenSkie at 1:05 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • I was in the boat once...right after I had my second child...I just could not keep up plus it did not help that i had a c-sec....and Since I am also a stay at home mom i felt that it was the least I should do since my husband was the one working....But I soon realized that I could not keep up and that I needed him to help....taking care of two kids is more than a full time job it is 24/7 with almost no breaks....I kept asking my husband to help and he played that i forgot...finially i had to totally blow up and tell him that I am no longer doing anything. (take care of the kids was not apart of it) I stopped doing dishes picking up and all of that....He still did not help but complaned alot...I told him that raising a family takes two not one in this marriage and he needed to help clean or it will stay the way it is....he helped

    Answer by sharonnacy at 10:10 AM on Sep. 21, 2010