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Why do people have to say my biological kids, my step kids, my adopted kids...

Why can't they all just be your kids? My MIL is my husband's step mom and she never introduces him as her step son, just her son.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:03 PM on Oct. 19, 2008 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I think it all has to do with who the primary caregivers are. When I was growing up I called my step-father, Dad. He called me his daughter. Plus he married my mom when I was 4. It's all about each family's situation. What age the children are at the point the parent gets remarried, involvement of other parent, plus what child naturally starts calling the new parent

    Answer by Lynette at 7:51 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • Thats a GOOD mom. My husband considers my daughters from another marriage his daughters and calls them that and refers to them that way when talking about them.Makes me feel really good and makes them feel special.

    Answer by Kat122 at 2:14 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • Yano, that's a really good? I've never noticed it, but it is used alot on CM isn't it? I don't think I've ever noticed whether or not I do, it but if I have, I didn't realize it & will definitely pay closer attention 2 the way I introduce my kids! Bc ur rite, our kids r our kids no matter how they were put in our lives!!!!

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 2:14 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • I (and my friends and family) always introduce my kids as 'my daughters'. If there is a reason to clarify (like we are seeing a new pediatrician) I say **** joined our family through adoption or **** joined our famiy at age four. In writing (because I write on adoption topics), I say one through birth and one through adoption. I never say 'my adopted daughter'. Instead I would say my daughter, adopted at age four, because being adopted is not a condition or disease. Most of the time it is not necessary to explain, but I think some people do it without any harm meant Just my two cents.

    Answer by ForeverMom05 at 2:21 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • It's also a way to remove yourself from someone you don't particularly care for.

    Answer by EireLass at 2:24 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • Yes it does Kat122, mine is the same way w/ my older 2 & has been 4 the 8 yrs. we've been 2gether. And it is such an amazing feeling that he has the relationship w/ them that he does. Kudos 2 both of them!!!!

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 2:26 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • I don't know but it really annoys me too...and I cant imagine how it makes a child feel.

    Answer by keyaziz at 2:26 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • My fiance knows that I want to be Elijah's mother, however, he is pretty strict about his biological mother being his only mother.

    I would love to refer to Elijah as my own but I have to say step son for my fiance. (Elijah is not even my step son yet)

    Elijah is not allowed to call me mommy either, I must be referred to as Carrie. My fiance says that when Elijah gets older he can make the decision for himself, we cannot make it for him.

    Also on cafe mom, I often refer to him as my step son, especially when I am looking for advice, because I need to point out that there are certain boundries that I cannot cross.

    As far as EireLass's point of view goes. I love and care for my step son as if he were my very own. I resent your opinion.

    Answer by girlneffy at 2:42 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • More of my opinion... I do respect his mother for being his true mother. I will never take that away from her. I may not like her but I am not going to take the title of mother away from her since she is so involved in his life.

    BTW... I am Elijah's favorite person. He asks and cries for me all the time. He does not do that for anyone else. We have a very special bond and I love him with all my heart.

    Answer by girlneffy at 2:46 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • would you want another woman refer to your child as her's or her step child if you were divorced and she were married to your husband?

    no you wouldn't, you'd be pissed if someone were saying your child was theirs.

    my mother has been married 3 times, never once have I felt bad for being a step daughter.

    I love my step son and would do anything for him, but I will not insult his mother by telling people he is mine. even though I hate his mother.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Oct. 19, 2008