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What is the correct response to ...

your child saying they hate you? What is the most constructive and least emotionally driven thing to say back? I am struggling with this right now. My son is EXHAUSTED after school and is throwing the "H" bomb at me a lot until after he naps, then he's snuggly, affectionate, etc.

 
hibbingmom

Asked by hibbingmom at 5:21 PM on Sep. 20, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 35 (71,876 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • He's definately doing it to push your buttons and he is continuing to do it because he can see that it is obviously quite an effective way to push your buttons. Take away the power from the statement by responding with, "I'm very sorry that you feel as though you hate me right now. Have I done something specific to make you angry?" Say it without emotion but WITH concern and a goal of problem-solving. This will take the focus off of the statement itself and open the door for him to talk about what is actually upsetting him- a bad day, not getting his way, etc. Then talk it out together and brainstorm ways to not only feel better but also ways to better express his feelings so that you can help him work through it with him. The key is to be cool and casual- acknowledge his feelings, don't take it personally, and work together for a solution to the REAL problem.
    DanielleB10

    Answer by DanielleB10 at 5:26 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Say
    If that's how you feel at the moment it's okay but I will always love you no matter what
    Or
    You can explain how hurtful the word is, ask him how would he feel if you said the same thing to him
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:26 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I usually say something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way right now..."
    elizabiza

    Answer by elizabiza at 5:28 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • It's designed to get a response - it's there to upset you and provoke you, AND to get attention. Don't give him attention for that comment, just ignore it.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 5:45 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • The response that got my kids' attention the most was when I said, very quietly: "That's okay, I love you anyway."
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 6:08 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I always say well Ilove you and then later they say sorry
    fryshannon34

    Answer by fryshannon34 at 9:49 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I think the best thing to do is ignore the comment and when he sees it doesn't affect you, or at least he will think so, he will stop.
    older

    Answer by older at 5:22 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • Well I love you...
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 5:23 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I'm sorry that you feel that way. I love you very much.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 5:32 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I think the best response is to let him know that may be how feels at the time, but that is not healthy and that you love him anyways.
    Luisa621

    Answer by Luisa621 at 10:44 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

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