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I am very upset over a question that was just posted about referring to step children as such instead of referring to them as your own. Do you think that it is wrong to do?

I do refer to my step son as such because my fiance wants Elijah to decide for himself if I should be mommy or not. At this point he is too young to decide.

Also I have respect for his true mommy and won't take that title from her.

I love Elijah with all my heart and as much as I wish I were his mommy, I am not. I don't go out in public and say "This is my step son Elijah" I say "This is Elijah" when people pry to ask if he is mine (he looks nothing like me) I say only by heart not by blood.

I do refer to him as my SS on here when asking questions or responding to show that I have boundries that I cannot cross.

What do you think? Am I in the wrong? Do you agree with others that referring to a child as a step child is degrading?


Asked by girlneffy at 2:56 PM on Oct. 19, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 3 (27 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I think you handle it beautifully. And its great that his dad wants him to make the decision on his own, it shows he's not forcing anything. And I love that you tell nosey people that he's your by heart and not by blood. Its also a great way for Elijah to hear it.

    Answer by chillemi78 at 4:45 PM on Oct. 19, 2008


    Answer by myboogiewoogie at 3:03 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • So agree with myboogiewoogie!!!!! It is the way it is said that makes the difference. Your decisions I believe about how you are handling that situation are one of the best ones that I have heard.

    Answer by kscmbz at 3:04 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • would you want another woman refer to your child as her's or her step child if you were divorced and she were married to your husband?

    no you wouldn't, you'd be pissed if someone were saying your child was theirs.

    my mother has been married 3 times, never once have I felt bad for being a step daughter.

    I love my step son and would do anything for him, but I will not insult his mother by telling people he is mine. even though I hate his mother.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • Hey anonymous at 3:05
    Re-read the question. She does refer to him as her step child.

    Answer by kscmbz at 3:09 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • I know :) I copied my answer from the previous post about it that got her pissed off :)

    I refer to mine as step son too, and that's my reason why.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • I just re-read that question from the other post, and believe it or not, you have absolutely nothing to be upset about. I read it twice to make sure there were no derogatory remarks and there weren't!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • I think thats really good...I wouldn't want a step child of mine to refer to me as their mother unless they wanted to, but I would still say this is my son/daughter...I wouldnt feel the need to add step in, unless my step-son/daughter requested it.

    Answer by keyaziz at 4:35 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • I think it all depends on the family I call my step son my son but he is with his father and I full time at the age of 4 he started calling me mom on his own.

    Answer by at 4:47 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • Each person has to decide for themselves. Me personally I have step kids but I don't think of them like that , they are just as much mine. Just like the day my husband and I got married my kids became his.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 5:39 PM on Oct. 19, 2008