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2 Bumps

How much texting between a grandparent and child is too much?

I have a 12 year old daughter, she is an honor roll student, doesn't get into trouble, great kid. We gave her a Go Phone when she was 11, she saved and upgraded to a new phone. She is very responsible with her phone. Here is my dilemma.

My ex-husbands mother texts her ALL the time. More than any of her friends do. It just seems excessive to me. 75% of the texts are to/from her grandmother. I know a different side of this woman than my daughter (I was married to her son, and she was ultra competitive during our marriage). She sees my daughter every other weekend (in lieu of my ex) and that is more than any other grandparent she has. It just seems excessive, and I don't trust her (but would never tell my daughter that).

Any advice or insight would be helpful.....

Thanks!

Answer Question
 
ajaxn2002

Asked by ajaxn2002 at 7:29 PM on Sep. 20, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • That seems like a lot to me. What could they even have to talk about that much? It seems like a text or two a week would be plenty between a grandma/granddaughter, especially if they see each other fairly regularly. But alas, I've never dealt with that situation so I don't have any good advice. I'm sorry. GL! :-/
    aliceryannesmom

    Answer by aliceryannesmom at 7:33 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • What is the nature of the texts? Is she nosy? Asking pointed questions? Trying to cause problems? Or is she simply keeping up on what's going on in her life day to day? I think you have to be really careful here. If you start altering contact your Daughter may be the one losing contact with you over it. Tweens are at the awkward stage. They are trying to figure out who they are. Is your daughter hiding the texts? Is she secretive about them? If not..I would set rules like no texts before ABS AM and not after XYZ PM, not during meals, church etc...and let it go from there.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:35 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I agree, what are the nature of the texts? If it's just...stuff... Grandma may be fearful of you, as well. . . and wanting to keep contact as much as possible for fear of you stopping the visits.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 7:38 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I think its awesome that her and her Grandma are so close.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 7:43 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • My question would be is your daughter enjoying it? If its not interrupting her school or household work and she enjoys having these conversations with her grandmother then I think its a wonderful thing. The more people a child have to truly love them the better off they are. If she doesnt want that much contact and just doesnt want to hurt her grandmothers feelings then maybe you can be the one to except some blame and ask her if she can keep the texts to a minimum during the school week so your daughter can do the things expected of her without interruption.
    NatureMomOf4

    Answer by NatureMomOf4 at 8:33 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • It doesn't interfere with anything, it really seems to be more of an attempt on the grandmothers part to stay young and hip and get back the child that she lost (my ex-husband) along the way. I don't say anything to my daughter because I would never put her in the middle of things, but her grandmother will text up to 10 times in 3 minutes before my daughter texts back. And you have to understand my apprehension, also, as her EX daughter in law. Alot of trust issues between us that I try not to let cloud my judgement....I am just being cautious. The number of texts really just seems juvenile, more than anything. Like she is trying to be a bff, and not so much of a grandmother.

    Thanks to all
    ajaxn2002

    Comment by ajaxn2002 (original poster) at 9:46 PM on Sep. 20, 2010

  • I understand exactly what you are saying. On one hand you want her to have the relationship but on that same hand, you know the motive behind the excessive texting...there's really nothing you can do, other than ask Grandma to stop texting so much but you know how that will come across right? I would just stay on top of the text and see the level of conversation...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:16 PM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • one one hand i think its awesome!! my mom and my daughter have an AMAZING relationship. which i have noooooo problem with..however, if my dd was doing this with her OTHER grandma...well...i would be feeling the complete opposite!! i wouldnt allow it..or i would set certain times that she was allowed to text...buuuuuuuuuuut..that'll never happen, none of that side of my daughters 'family' want anything to do with me or my daughter..
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 2:11 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Talk to your ex-husband about this and ask him to ask your daughter if this texting is bothering her. If it is then he should have a talk to his mother about this excessive texting. Maybe something is wrong with her.

    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 9:23 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • keep a watch on it just in case. I would ask her what all the txt for.
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 12:46 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

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