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Do you feel comfortable calling your inlaws?

We have never lived anywhere near any of my inlaws. I have never grown comfortable with them. I call my MIL sometimes to thank her if she sends something for me or the kids, and I don't feel uncomfortable talking to my SIL. But I never call my FIL, or my husband's grandma, who sends stuff for the kids sometimes.

Well, I just had a baby 6 weeks ago. She (grandma) sent a card, congratulating us and asking how the birth went. I have a newborn and a toddler and didn't get a chance to write back until I forgot about the card. She sent a couple outfits for the new baby a little while later and I told my husband to call and thank her. He didn't. She called and left two messages in two days asking for us to update her and my husband called her back on the third day. I guess she went and YELLED at my MIL about us not calling her :(

Is this my fault?


Asked by Ati_13 at 1:27 AM on Sep. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 24 (21,184 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • my husband is the one that keeps my MIL updated about things, just like i'm the one to keep my mom updated.

    Answer by jennifer588 at 1:31 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • Honestly, I'm pretty close to my inlaws, and we've never lived close to them, either. In fact, I didn't even meet any of them in person until after we were married and our ds was born :-)

    It was a little weird at first, but I did make an effort to call them and talk to them, let them know about what was going on with us, with the baby (then with both of them when we had our second), and they made a point of also reaching out to us.

    I figured, even if we didn't live near them (the closest we've been in 18 yrs was a couple of yrs ago we lived in the same time zone - we were in WA and they were in CA), they were still family - we might not have known each other at first, but we loved the same people (dh, kids) - so I owed it to them (dh, kids) to make the effort. I'm glad I did, because it wasn't long before I became VERY close to my inlaws. lol - now, I talk to her more than my dh does ;-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:38 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • cont

    I would suggest reaching out to her - tell her you're sorry that you didn't call, but with the new baby, you've been really busy and a little overwhelmed and thought that your dh had talked to her, and he thought you had (don't do this like you're accusing him, just like it was a mix up in communications).

    Tell her about the baby and how you all are doing, ask about them, and say again how sorry you all didn't talk to them sooner, about how you can't wait until you can come visit with the baby (or them come visit you - even if you're not so sure you really are excited at the thought because you don't feel comfortable with them yet...). End it on a positive note, something like
    talk to you again soon"... Then, as your baby reaches different milestones, call to let her know about it, ask about them, etc again, pretty soon it won't be so awkward for you guys, and I bet your dh will appreciate it :-)

    good luck!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:43 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • i talk to my mil at least 6 times a day. we are close

    Answer by firstimemomm603 at 1:37 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • Yes, you should always call or at least write a thank you note. That said, I am also totally uncomfortable with the inlaws. I's rough. Any time you get a gift, you gotta call or write.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 1:39 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • sounds like my MIL... my husband usually updates his mom on things. or they both get to talking and she will ask me somethng and im like.. uhhh what are u talking about? uh yea no one told me about this.. yes my husband even forgets to update me on things the in laws know and i dont!!!

    i personally dont think its ur fault. You are a mom, i could understand if it was like a week but it wasnt. so i really wouldnt worry about it too much , good luck

    Answer by KCsMom08 at 1:39 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • I talk to my future MIL at least 4 times a week. We are close.

    You should always call or write when you receive a gift.

    Answer by stressedmomma13 at 1:56 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • We don't see them often (because we don't agree with certain things), but we still talk. I've talked to my SIL just by myself quite a few times online and offline. Even my MIL. FIL..rarely..but that's cause he's ALWAYS sick..(that's a different story *cough*). You should always thank them whenever you get something, whether it's calling, visiting them, or sending a card. Or even updating them through emails on things..thats how I pretty much talk to my on facebook. lol.

    Answer by SparklingHope at 1:58 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • no

    Answer by LoVe4Free at 4:35 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • I absolutely love my inlaws! They are just another family to me. They mean just as much to me as my family does. I don't always call or talk to them, but I have no hesitations calling them if I wanted to, or needed to, and they feel the same way. And I think a lot of the reason that I feel so comfortable with my inlaws is because they are such a great group of people. They made me feel like one of the family before we ever got married or had kids. I love those guys!

    And in a way, yes, it is your fault. Although in a way it is your husband's as well. You should have been able to take just a minute or two to drop a couple of lines on a piece of paper and drop it in the mailbox, but he should have called when the first message was left. It was just one of those honest mistakes that happen all the time. Don't let it get you down, and don't let it discourage you from reaching out to your inlaws.

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 8:36 AM on Sep. 21, 2010