Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Do you get along with your husband's sister(s)?

Are you always the bigger person in trying to make the friendship work because she 'is the way she is' and will not change?

Or, do you say enough is enough? And if you do, does your MIL side with you or your SIL?

I only have one SIL and for the past 12 years, I've been the 'bigger person'. She does what she wants to...and no one in their family will ever tell her that how she behaves/treats others is wrong. In light of recent events, I'm realizing that enough is really enough. My MIL, as kind as she is, has become a middle man (by her choice). I've tried to talk to my MIL about my concerns but it seems like she defends her daughter rather than seeing both sides to the story.

What would you do?

Answer Question
 
thankful4itall

Asked by thankful4itall at 2:55 AM on Sep. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I visit as infrequently as possible and when we do I keep my mouth shut and cry in the shower. SIL doesn't like me and goes out of her way to make me feel unwelcome. Calls DH ex-wife while we visit for dinner like she couldn't wait and hour. I know from my step-kids that she only calls their mom when we are there. She will make snide remarks about things I cannot do... like sew. Is super judgy religious about my gay sis.... its exhausting and depressing to visit.

    I used to tell DH when things were bothering me, but that just ruins the trip for everyone bc he confronts her for being mean and she denies it saying that I am sensitive. So now I just put on my thick skin and completely ignore her.... "oh you are on the phone with the Ex... tell her I said hi (she at least likes me...lol!) The more I "not notice" the more valient her attempt to make sure I know... that she does not consider me a "real wife or mom".
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 3:19 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • I do get along with my SIL but we didn't always get along, her mom isn't in the picture so her grandma stands in as mother figure, I know that I'm obviously not going to get her grandma to see my point, so I just leave it be. and honestly as long as my husband saw the effort I tried to make that was all that mattered, Honestly, I think I'd stop talking about it to your MIL you don't want to seem as the instigator and the drama starter, just let it be and go on about your business, your SIL is probably getting a kick out of watching you get bothered.
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 4:01 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • I only have one SIL and I've never met her in person because she lives on the other side of the country. I'm too shy to talk to her on the phone but when dh talks to her via phone I tell him things to tell her lol and she helps us sometimes look up information online because we get super busy with kids. She's single and 2 yrs older than dh and has no kids and lives alone and gets lonely. At one point she was very suicidal but then she started talking to dh a lot and that was 5 yrs ago and she hasn't brought that suicidal thoughts up since. She has little income but she always sends ds and dd bday and Christmas presents as well as me and dh and a present for our anniversary. She has given us $ on several occassions when we were hit hard finacially in the past and we didn't ask her for it. She's a very giving person and I wish she would move here so she could meet kids and be a loving aunt to them. cont.
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 4:16 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • DH doesn't have any sisters. He has 4 brothers (15, 18, 23, 24 y/o). I get along great with his oldest brothers wife. And friends with his 2nd oldest brothers girlfriend. I used to be friends with his 2nd oldest brothers wife (soon to be ex), lets just say there is no friendship now. I get along great with all of his brothers!
    Apple_Pie2010

    Answer by Apple_Pie2010 at 4:23 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • I have offered several times over the last year for her to move in with us becaus she still hurts finacially and she always says no because she wouldn't have the $ to get here, she has allergies that aren't suitable for our climate and she wouldn't want to wear out her welcome. Those are her reasons. Dh and I plan to save upa nd get her a plane ticket to spend a holiday with us (though it will probably have to be next year). She tells my kids she loves them always. Now as for my sister, that's another story. She is a monster. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. She is older than me and as far back as I can remember I've always been the bigger person. She's whiney, self-centered, judgemental,manipulates, unclean, has no morals, and just downright rude to name a few. I've tried I don't know how many times to make ammends with her but she never apologizes for ANYTHING. We do not speak and I am 110% fine with that!!!!!!!!
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 4:23 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • To answer your question. I would say there comes a time when enough is enough. I don't really know your whole situation. But for me I had to be the bigger person with by BIL wife (2nd oldest one). It was a huge mess, we quit talking for 3 months. The story of what happened is long, so I'm not going to tell it. But I ended up appologizing to her for something I never did. Only to find out that she was talking behind my back to everyone in the family, and continued even after we started talking again. To me she burned her bridge and at this point I wouldn't think of being her friend again, just because I know what type of person she is. So I guess its if you think she is worth your troubles, if not then ignore her from now on as best you can. You arent required to be friends with your SIL's or BIL's. You married your DH not them.
    Apple_Pie2010

    Answer by Apple_Pie2010 at 4:29 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • I was so excited when I met my now husband, learning that he had two sisters that were close to my age. When I met them I realized we were completely different people. I'm a tomboy, but they are duck hunting, goose hunting lovers-they talked about shooting huge geese and so on! They thought I was "prissy" quite the opposite, may I add, but they judged me by my looks. They have never liked me and have made this clear. It used to really bother me, but not anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • My DH has an older sis and a younger sis. I got along great with the younger one immediately. The older one let me know right away that she was a serious drama queen. She was more concerned with her agenda than whether her brother was happy. She and I will never be close, as she's a negative, small minded person. She attempts to control her own parents if they do something she doesn't agree with. That let's me know it's her, and nothing to do with me personally. I will never prevent my DH from having a relationship with her, but I don't care to have one. Seeing her once or twice a year is fine with me. I always walk away when she starts trying to recruit me into whatever dogma she's chosen at that time.
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 8:05 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • My DH doesn't have any sisters.
    Robsmommy

    Answer by Robsmommy at 8:14 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • My husband's sister is only a year older than me, and we are more like sisters than inlaws. I love her to pieces! When we are visiting them, she and I will sit up all night just talking and stuff. I love that girl!

    But, in answer to your question, enough is enough. I don't think you should be putting your MIL in the middle. Of course she is only going to see her daughter's side, it's her daughter. Parents are more blind to their children that a lot of people think. Instead of voicing your concerns to your MIL, have you tried talking to your SIL? It may surprise you how receptive she could be to the proper constructive criticism. Just don't try to sound like you are attacking her, and her defenses may not get all up and you may just open her eyes.
    QueenMomma2023

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 8:43 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN