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how do i deal with this.....

so, in the past couple weeks i learned that my husband has been having an emotional affair if that makes any sense. (nothing physical just all emotionally invested) when i confront him about it, he tells me that he's not happy and he wants to be with this other woman. i love my husband more than life itsself and i refuse to let go so easily. im hurt im betrayed because i was the one who stood up for him when everyone else was saying i'd end their friendship STAT. i dont know what to do or any idea how to deal with this. the whole situation messed me up big time. i dont eat i dont sleep and im constantly questioning what he's doing and why this flusy is better than me. i know i shouldnt i and i know that losing me is his mistake, but i need some help getting through this.

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flying8balls21

Asked by flying8balls21 at 5:46 PM on Oct. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • i would suggest counceling, if he still wants to make it work. if he doesnt't then there is much you can do besides let him go and see if he comes back. I'm so sorry this has happened i would be devastated. It sounds like your pretty depressed and if you can't eat or sleep i would see a doc. Is he still wanting to make things work with you?? Good luck and God bless!
    CaityMarie

    Answer by CaityMarie at 5:52 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • You definately have a problem! I would think that you had the possiblity of working things out except for the fact that you said he told you that he wanted to be with the other woman. If that is truly the case, you won't be able to keep him without forcing him to stay. Antd that is never a good idea!
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 5:56 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • Fight for your man honey. Get some counseling, tell him you refuse to divorce him unless he goes to counseling first. I'd also tell his Skank that she should stay away from married men! I hate Skanks! I'm so sorry! I think the emotional affair is worse than a sexual affair. My condolences :(
    shmorris56

    Answer by shmorris56 at 6:17 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • My advise would be "take care of yourself" when my husband left I was a wreck except you wouldnt have known it. I threw myself into taking care of my son. His daddy abanded him and I felt like I had to make up for it.
    Anyway I forgot to take care of myself, emotionally and physically, and ulitimitly my son was paying for it. I finally realized what I was doing and turned it around, after I had a small brake down.
    That was 5yrs ago and never regreted not trying to go after him. I didn't want to ever be with someone like that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • let me add some more to this story. this skank as shmorris put it so nicely. is married herself. she is 19 years old with 2 children to 2 different men. (dont get me wrong im not bashing on young mothers) and she was my hubbys bff back in the day. well she disappears for 3 years and leaves my so high and dry in the most difficult part of his life. ( his mom and big bro died within 4 months of eachother.) and now she just waltzs back into our lives and distroys everything i have ever loved. my hubby and i have a 17 month old son together. and bubba- my husband- is everything in the world to me. i want to kill the bitch. dont take that as a threat anyone cuz its not one. im so lost. i have told him i refuse to divorce him without a fight.
    flying8balls21

    Answer by flying8balls21 at 9:21 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • If he's crazy enough to want to be with someone that abandoned him at one of the lowest points in his life.... let him go.
    You can't make someone love you, I've tried and it doesn't work to beg, to cry or to stop eating/sleeping. It hurts like heck I know but she obviously isn't too good with commitment herself, so.... let him learn the hard way. You'll be the winner in the end.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:55 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • My dad also told this to my mother when he was having an emotional affair. She said fine, get lose...He founf out how the girl REALLY was and wanted my mom back and gfelt so stupid for trying to leave a great wife...It's TABOO...Meaning he wants the forbidden fruit...what he DOESN'T have...I think he will regret it very much...Just let him go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • This may be long so sit back and listen...

    Why are you so upset with the woman? You're dh invited her back into his life. He opened the doors for the relationship to grow and he knew in the beginning that getting together with this woman was what he wanted to do...your anger should be directed in the right direction and that's to the man who made a comittment to you...

    Secondly, I know it's painful to have the man you love, not love you back. And it's especially hard when you think that he should've been open and honest with you because you were there for him when he needed you...Well, in his eyes, he owes you nothing..but trust me, in the end, he will end up regretting his decisions...
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 12:14 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • be a better woman...let him go...let him go to the life that he thinks he wants to have with this other woman..let him go..it will be painful...you will lose sleep, not eat but eventually you will come out of this a better woman...it all takes time...but in the process...do not allow this to ruin you...
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 12:14 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • You have your children to consider in all of this...and as painful as it will be and has been for you, you must put them and yourself in the forefront and not look back on the past...Move forward for the sake of your sanity and health...Good luck
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 12:15 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

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