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3 Bumps

How do I make this better? (piog)

My dh travels for work and when he gets home he and I have a hard time getting back in our groove. We get defensive about sd...we are quick to contradict eachother and I feel left out. We will discuss things and then he changes his mind at the last moment. I ask his opinion because I care what he thinks so I feel disregarded when our "discussions" are ignored. He talks about "our family" but it's as if I'm just supposed to sit here and say "yes dear"...that's what he does and it drives me nuts b/c he turns around and does what he wants anyway. His ex and mom are both psycho bitches that yell and scream when disagreed with. He and I don't yell and scream but it's really hard to talk to him at times because he gets so defensive or just plays dumb. I'm alone in this house for days and weeks at a time. Then I still feel alone when the people I love are here. Suggestions to help keep the peace are welcome.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:03 AM on Sep. 21, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (4)
  • I'm so sorry for you, you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel, in a civilised manner. Hope things get better for you x

    Answer by mum-to-a-cutie at 9:12 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • My dad used to travel and my mom was home with 4 kids. My dad said it was difficult when he came home to get in the groove because he had to get in the swing of how mom was doing things. Mom had a system and ran things all week, when he came home and tried to help it messed up the system..he pretty much had to learn how things were done and what his role was. They had to talk alot of it out and be patient with eachother.

    Answer by ria7 at 9:17 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • For starters put the focus on good communication not on keeping the peace. Keeping the peace leads to passive agressiveness. Which is agreeing when the person is standing right there because you don't want to fight, but doing exactly as you please even though you know good and well that it isn't what you agreed to. He is probably so used to being screamed at that he is afraid to tell you what he really thinks. Tell him that if he wants to avoid a fight that he better always tell you the truth. then the next time he goes against what you talked about and he "yes ma'am-ed" you about lay into him at full throttle until he wishes that he could remember that you are not a physo bitch unless somebody lies to you.


    Answer by LoveMyDog at 9:25 AM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • And maybe consider together and individually. It may help you both. Good luck!

    Answer by Arwynne at 5:29 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

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