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At my wit's end..

I have been off work for almost 6 months - medical/maternity leave.
During this time, my 12 year old has changed, he has become VERY responsible, caring, the perfect kid.
I went back to work on Thursday - 2nd shift. So my time with the kids is very limited. And already things are going back to a very unhappy situation.
Today - I went to pay for the groceries, and $20 is missing - he swears that he didn't take it.. but I can see the lie in his eyes. I don't want to accuse him if he really didn't do it.. but I'm pretty sure that he did. How can I keep the relationship I had with him (and the other kids) while i'm working, that I had when I wasn't.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on Oct. 19, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Believe in him this time. If he is a thief, he will repeat his behavior and it will become clear to both of you that it needs to be addressed.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 9:41 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • Get off second shift if you can. If you can get on days or 7-3 whatever the choices are exactly it will mean you are only gone while they are in school mostly. I worked nights when mine were little. My husband worked days. It was hard on us personally but better for the kids in the long run.

    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:39 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • As for the money. Find a new place to put your pocketbook so it isn't a temptation or availability for him. I would let all the kids who are old enough to grasp it..pretty much from 8 up that you know money is missing from your purse. Let them know you know exactly how much is there at all times. Any further money missing means everybody loses all snacks, sweets, desserts, TV, game time ( or whatever is importnat to them) for a week. Look your son in the eye and tell him you are pretty sure he did it and it better never happen again. Make a disiplinary plan for this and stick to it. I had a son who stole money out of my purse a lot in middle school. I literally had to lock my stuff in my room. It ook his room being stripped to a mattress on the floor and a blanket, not even a pillow to shut it down. He finally learned I was serious as a heart attack.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:39 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • my son is stealing my cigs and lying bout it cleaned his room today found knifes, buts lighters condoms, magzs(dirty) im beside myself even beer bottles,hes only 13
    i cant tell u how to get ahold on him but we both have to do something.i just want to run away, a warm beach sounds good , but not happening when u find out let me know
    lost my mind
    bunco

    Answer by bunco at 12:42 AM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • First I think you need to talk to your son. He is obviously having problems with you going back to work and he is acting out because of them. If you need this job and can not look for something else then you need should sit with him and have a conversation about why you have to work.

    He is old enough to understand the reasons why. I would also let him know that you are there for him not matter what. Let him know that he can come to you with anything and that you will listen and help him.

    As far as the stealing. I think that is just to get your attention. If you have other children that take your time as well as work, a SO, and house work he might be feeling lost in the shuffle.

    When you were home you were there for him and you time was not split. Now that it is he might not know were he fits anymore.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:32 AM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • i work school hours! home when they are, so i can be a presence, and keep them on schedule.
    dini1976

    Answer by dini1976 at 1:34 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • Ok, this is something that will help.
    Talk with him, and figure out what the deal is. Something is troubling him, so talking to him may help. PUT HIM IN AN AFTERNOON ACTIVITY. If he has a hobby or a sport he likes, then put him in classes so he doesn't have time to get in trouble. If he claims he doesn't like anything, stick him in something until he decides he wants to do it, and dont allow him to quit. Assert you parenting and firmness. Have a family meeting and announce that 20 dollars was missing and it will not be tolerated and have dier consequences. And if you cant find who did it, everyone was punished until the culprit came forward, because stealing is unacceptable. (Usually one of us told who did it!! lol)

    Those things kept us out of trouble growing up and I thank my parents for that. So try that, and see how it goes.
    YanniSmoMMy

    Answer by YanniSmoMMy at 2:33 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • Hey girls, YanniSmoMMy was right on with her advice. As most were with the talk to him suggewstions. But for thoses of you who suggested that a mom with a varied ages of kids want to work 2nd shift ARE YOU KIDDING!!! This is where the $$$ is and working is not optional if not for the finances but for the sanity. Thank You.
    mom2priceboys

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 9:11 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

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