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marriage counseling

Has anyone else every attended marriage counseling and felt like it helped but didn't exactly get down to the problem.

My husband and i were having problems and he recommended we go. It was dif than how i thought it was going to be but it helped but the guy focused mainly on our childhood and growing up and i feel like it kinda didn't get to the point and let me really explain to my husband how i feel about our situation and we can talk now but not about certain things because i don't want to start an argument. I'm not sure if i should feel this way.

Is this normal that it helped some things and not others but still helped us to fix our relationship?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:11 PM on Sep. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I had a counsellor once that tried the childhood path... I do believe that my childhood shaped me but at some point I put on my big girl panties and now I deal with my life. I went to another counsellor that got to the issues... worked out much better :)
    Mommy2Gabrielle

    Answer by Mommy2Gabrielle at 8:14 PM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • yes, any communication which is supervised probably helped things. YEt they say in an emotionally or mentally abusive one, the abuser usually uses counsellig=ng to blame the victim or make themselves out to be the hurt one.. when really the victim is scared to really let it out and vent about how they feel. i am sorry you never got to. try going more or continue it. yuo really should be the one to pick the counsellor, especially if you are the one scared to "cause" an argument... thin about it is it really one-sided where HE gets mad at you for even bringing something up? have to wonder where are those guys that can listen? you have a right to be heard and have a voice!! find a counselor who does that for BOTH parties. godo luck i am separated and feel maybe we are headed there eventually but not yet because he was WAY abusive and has to fix his drinking and controlling meanness on his own FIRST before i will tolerate himagain
    silverelf

    Answer by silverelf at 8:15 PM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • Sometimes it takes more then one attempt to find a counselor who fits your needs. Its ok to try another counselor. I would also recommend seperate sessions, so you can talk to the counselor freely and be able to express how you feel without worrying about dh reacting.
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 8:17 PM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • Yes, I found that individual therapy helped more than couples therapy.
    Namaste17

    Answer by Namaste17 at 8:17 PM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • He called and made the appt he told the guy everything was him and it was all his fault as to why we were there. he never once pointed the finger at me and said nething was my fault. Iv noticed he's changed though from it but i still feel like hes kinda distant at times which bothers me. I think i might actually want to talk to another counselor though.
    Alyson_Torres09

    Answer by Alyson_Torres09 at 8:19 PM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • we have been seeing him since may i think and hes never done a separate session which i would kinda like to do because i have things i want to tell my husband but kinda need help putting it in to word and with out it starting an argument but i jst need help telling him
    Alyson_Torres09

    Answer by Alyson_Torres09 at 8:22 PM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • It's great to talk about our childhood, it's the foundation of who we become, but too often people don't go beyond that. Maybe they drop out of therapy before they start to learn new tools that would help them now.  I would continue going because therapy doesn't instantly make things better you have to be committed to it.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 8:30 PM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • you might want to change counselors OR just ask for clarification from the one you have. i think the point is that certain habits in relationships and communication are a result of the dysfunction in our childhood families, so it's important to understand the different perspectives. when i went to marriage counseling (alone lol but it still worked) my counselor discussed my history but also gave me tools to use today... don't be afraid to ask for what you need. don't give up.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:33 PM on Sep. 21, 2010

  • Yes however in our case it didn't work, my husband used it as the forum to simply continue to point his fingers at me. He refused to bear any responsbility for the demise of our relationship. It was frustrating, we attempted the childhood path but honestly we were so far passed that it didn't even matter. It wasn't until my husband went to counseling on his and realized he was abusive and started taking ownership did things start to work. I don't hold back however, I gave up that over 3 years ago. It counseling I was clear what my problems where, what I took ownership of and what I needed from him.
    I'd suggest going to individual therapy for yourself possibly to help learn how to more effectively communicate your feelings/thoughts to him. The other thing would be try a new couples counselor and maybe have a couple one on one sessions to let her/him know what you really want to talk about. I did this a few times.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 10:16 PM on Sep. 21, 2010

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