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I don't understand why he said this?

SS (10 in Dec.) told me this weekend that he doesn't like anyone but his mom taking pictures of him and that I take "humiliating" pictures of him and he doesn't like it. I do take a lot of candids because that is how I like to photograph. I don't keep obviously embarassing ones and I always ask him if je does or does not want a given photo displayed on our walls. He said it was because I go on and on saying "oh, how cute" (he used a baby voice to mimic me) over his pictures, and that is "humiliating". I admit, I gushed over one really cute picture of him taken when he was five. That was the ONLY time. I am not a gusher. I am not a baby talker. I have never baby talked that he was "so cute." HIS MOM does this, not me. He was insistent that this is what I am like so I didn't want to waste my energy. His dad didn't get it either and told his son that he was wrong.

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PROGENITOR

Asked by PROGENITOR at 10:52 PM on Oct. 19, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 4 (30 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Well, I got some good suggestions, but nothing I haven't tried or do already, but thanks. It is very possible that he is taking out his frusterations with his mother on me. She has a long history of forcing him into activities that he doesn't want to do. But, I guess because it is his mom he won't see that it is her doing it. I did point out to SS yesterday after our trip to the pumpkin patch that he was only in two pictures, both with his back turned, and the only reason he was in those was because I was capturing other family members. He was pissy that any of him was in the pics. DH and I considered puberty too. We decided not to worry too much about this picture thing, we are going to focus on how SS has been harrassing and tormenting our 13 month old for his enjoyment.
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 4:26 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • I have no idea where this is coming from. The lying or believing I am doing something I am not doing; not the hating pictures he has never loved getting his picture taken. Still, I take the family pictures. It is unfair to his dad and other family members to expect them to not have any photos of him and family activties but let his mom have photos of him. HIs mom doesn't own the right to take his photos. I just don't get why he said what he did. His mom babytalks to him, HIS mom gushes. NOT ME! That just isn't my personality. Any ideas why he would say something like that?
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 10:52 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • he's 9 thats why.
    robinalbright

    Answer by robinalbright at 10:59 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • so 9 year olds are asses? or they have a distorted view of reality? or is it a bit of both?
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 11:01 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • just what robinalbright said: He's 9 and a boy!!!

    I'm not a "gusher" either but my kids get mad at me when I take their pictures or ask the to "posse"... and it has been showing in the pictures lately. The crossed arms, the look of discuss, and the total impatiences. (oh and mine are 6 (DD) and 7 (DS) and that is what I'm going through. He's just growing up and expressing himself more, and to honest you and your husband should feel blessed that he feels comfortable enough to say something to you.... (even if it's a little off base)
    SAHMinIL

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 11:04 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • thats the age where kids say everything annoys them Im sure he has been the same way with his mom he hears what he wants to hear and sees what he whats to see.

    robinalbright

    Answer by robinalbright at 11:06 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • There not "asses" they just have a distorted view of reality! LOL!! It's a little of "I'm grown up Mr. (or Miss) independent, but in reality they aren't even remotely independent. LOL; It's really him just expressing is like and dislikes to you. He is in the phase I don't want my picture taken, and he has no really reason why, other then he just doesn't want it. So his reality is a little skewed so he can justified it to you, because you are the authority figure, and you need to have justification for his actions.
    SAHMinIL

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 11:09 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • You are going to have to find a way to have boundaries with him, and that includes boundaries for yourself as well. As a person coming from step parents on both sides, I can not stress boundaries enough. How about not taking candid photos of him. If it bothers him then don't do it. You want to be able to have a relationship with him, then start there. Tell him you will not take those kinds of pictures of him anymore because he has said it humiliates him. Use this opportunity as a starting point to better your relationship.  With especially step children the more you are on the defense the worse the situation can become.  

    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 11:24 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • It's not all going to happen at once because as you already know children are a work in progress. They do need structure and lots of love. Looks like to me you really want his love and that is GREAT but that takes time. It will happen just you have to start somewhere that is comfortable to him. Hope things get better for you
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 11:24 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

  • He was told that candid pictures will stop but he is expected to be in family "posed: photos and that I cannot promise not to photograph sport type activites. I told him that I will make that compromise.
    It isn't about getting his love for me. It would make life easier, but I would rather have his respect. I don't think of him as my own. I don't want to. I just want him to be real and not make ridiculously false acusations of my behavior when his mother is the one that acts like a fool and talks to him like he is a dog or a three year old.
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 11:34 PM on Oct. 19, 2008

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