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How long should I wait before my 5yr old daughter meets the guy I'm dating (potential Boyfriend)?

I haven't been seeing this guy for long but so far he seems like a great guy whose very family oriented. He asked me recently to take my daugter and I out for icecream and I told him no because I didnt want my daughter to meet him just yet for fear of attachment because her father is not around but at the same time I would like to see how he interacts with her before it goes further. He doesnt have any kids but he do want to and there's a part of me that wants her to have a father figure but I dont want us to both get hurt in the end if it doesnt work out.

 
CHICCHANEL

Asked by CHICCHANEL at 8:21 AM on Sep. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I would not introduce him as a boyfriend or starting spending a lot of time together as a family. But for her to meet him as a friend of mom's and see how they get along, I think that is a fine idea before you invest a lot of time in the relationship. I don't think there is anything wrong with your kid(s) meeting your boyfriend(s) as long as you don't rush into being an instant family.

    When I was a single mom and I was dating, my son knew most of the men that I dated and all the guys I dated more than once or twice, but never really differentiated between men I was dating and men I was friends with because I never made those distinctions with him. He knew the guys I dated and liked the guys I dated and that was important to me if I was going to continue dating them, but I contiued in a dating relationship with them without us all spending a bunch of time together. His now-stepdad was the first to be in a family role with us
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 10:33 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • I would wait until you are sure he's boyfriend material. You said "potential boyfriend".

    Cindy18

    Answer by Cindy18 at 8:27 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • I would wait at least 90 days- the same as you have a trial period at a job. Then you can see his full potential by then. the fact that you have a daughter, you have to be careful, children period. Good Luck tou you and happy dating!
    blackqueen918

    Answer by blackqueen918 at 8:37 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • You can not really put a time line on things like that. You have to feel right about it and obviously you don't, not just yet. Also, you don't have to introduce him as your boyfriend to you daughter. He is just a friend for now, let her get used to the idea of someone else in your life. Dong innocent things like going out for ice cream is a good thing...just don't be all over each other.
    Ladyblue38

    Answer by Ladyblue38 at 8:43 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • I started dating my now hubby when my son was 3. I waited until I knew the relationship was definitely going somewhere before I introduced him to my son. I think it was around 2 mths or so. That worked out well for us. My guy was ready to meet him and I was ready too. I wanted to make sure they got along before the relationship went any farther.
    rlhall1980

    Answer by rlhall1980 at 9:02 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Well, that is a very sensitive question. When my son was 5, I waited to introduce my son to my significant other until I knew I was going to marry him. I introduced them a couple months before he proposed to me. We stayed together for about 6 months after we were engaged but for reasons we broke off the engagement. My son was crushed and cried and cried. My son is now 12 and that is the one guy he has the most memories of. In my opinion, if its starting to get serious there isn't anything wrong with introducing as long as your also teaching how to have a healthy relationship. I personally didn't allow my significant other EVER to sleep over. Not even when we were engaged. Regardless your daughter may develop a strong attachment to him but it is also good to see how they will interact. There is no full proof way to keep her from getting hurt, especially that age. If her father is in her life it will be easier!
    AmyLynn5398

    Answer by AmyLynn5398 at 8:45 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • That is when you feel comfortable, but if it was a recent divorce or split up , i wouldnt do it, i have seen too many kids go through and emotional hardship, afterall you are dating him and not the kids, wait and then have the child or children do fun things gradually and let them get use too the other person before you make things more difficult for all by saying this is your new boyfriend.
    KinshipCounts2

    Answer by KinshipCounts2 at 9:10 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • You can have friends in life. Kids understand about friends. Just introduce him as a friend so she doesn't expect him to be more than that. If he leaves then it's a good teaching opportunity to explain in life some people come in to our lives for a while then leave. Don't let their connection get too strong. Don't let her go places with him and don't let him watch her alone. I'm sure you already know that but I'm one that thinks it needs to be reiterated.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:53 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • I agree withthe previous two that you should probably wait until you realized that he's marriage material. Introducing just boyfriends will confuse the child. When you're absolutely sure that he's going to be in your life for a long time (marriage), then I'd introduce him.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 9:08 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • in your answer you showed that you are not ready yet to introduce him---so don't yet---give it time and i think you will feel when the time is right---AND if he gets upset about it ---it definitely isn't time
    sadie51

    Answer by sadie51 at 10:01 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

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