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4 Bumps

How do I get myself to take the first step?

I feel like I know that I need to file for divorce but I can't seem to take the first step. I constantly tell myself when things are horrible I will do it tomorrow, tomorrow comes and goes I don't and get what tomorrow evening or the next day will be horrible as well.
How do I find the strength to break the cycle? My kids deserve better than this.
Anyone else struggled with making the first step? Did you file for restraining order to get him out of the residence? Did you do that first or have the attorney do it when they filed the divorce paperwork? Need some support.

Answer Question

Asked by MommaB0334 at 11:30 AM on Sep. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (121 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I asked my mom, she left the residence, then she did it.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:32 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • My name is on the mortgage as well, its my understanding I would need to continue to help pay the bills there, nearest family is 3 hours away. I have 2 kids in school. I can't afford to get an apartment and still help pay bills at the house??

    Comment by MommaB0334 (original poster) at 11:35 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Hi Mom, i have been thru 2 divorces.. My ex tricked me from when we were just going to go thru with a Legal Seperation, then turned around a week before that hearing, and told me he had filed for divorce. The next one, I filed. I knew that there was a problem and also knew that he was not going to change, so for the better of my kids, and not have to put them thru anymore " BS" I got rid of him. If you know that he will not change and things won't get better, why keep the kids in it. These kids are no dumb. They can sense that things are bad and will soon think its their fault. SO you need to do for them as much for you. Take the action and get out of its bad. I will keep you in my thoughts. But you will come out of this stronger then you thought. (( Hugs))

    Answer by Airforce3mom at 11:35 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • This is what I did the first time but you have to do what it safe for you... I saved my money (pennies, dimes anything) until I had enough money to see an attorney... when I went in to see him we filed that day along with a parenting plan, resident plan and financial support for the children... that afternoon he was served by the court. And he could no longer come into the residence until after he had seen his own attorney. It was the only way to keep the kids safe because he had a terrible temper!

    Answer by kamore at 11:37 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • First, find yourself another place to live. Get the help of trusted friends or family and move out. Then get a restraining order against him if needed. You can worry about the mortgage after you know he can't come after you. The only way it's going to happen is if you just do it. You have to push yourself into that first step. Because otherwise you'll keep talking yourself out of it. So just take that leap. you can do it.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:40 AM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • I agree with Jazz. As long as you are physically in the situation, it's gonna be harder to get out. When I left, I was done, I didn't care what happened to our assets at that point, I just wanted to be done. If it's a dangerous situation, taking your kids out of school and staying with your family 3 hours away should be worth it. I know you didn't say it was, but I'm getting this by the restraining order idea. You can't wait for him to leave, he probably won't. I wish you the best.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:17 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Just go and do it if you cant break the cycle for you do it for you kids

    Answer by LiLJeni at 1:55 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • File and then at the temp hearing (usually within a month or so) it will be decided who can stay in the residence and use other property cars etc and who will be paying the bills until the final divorce agreement. If you feel you need to stay in the house and you want him out, try and talk with a lawyer and get some advice. Depending on your husband and how agreeable he'll be it might be easier to find a way for you and the kids to live somewhere else until it is settled. Good luck.

    Answer by jillybean703 at 3:10 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

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