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Should I try to contact my adult daughter who sided with my abusive ex?

My 23 yo daughter has had drug & alcohol probs, has a 2 yo child with one heroin-addict boyfriend and has had a miscarriage to another. Each time she has stopped calling me, I wait a while and try to get in touch with her to let her know I still care about her. What makes it hard is that she sees my physically abusive ex all the time. I've only seen my grandbaby a couple of times and I am very, very sad.

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NickiCee

Asked by NickiCee at 12:28 AM on Oct. 20, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Is it because you point out her flaws to her? I'm not trying to sound harsh but it might very well be that your ex is doing something for her and he isn't pointing out the errors of her life. You also have to remember that your issues with your ex aren't always issues your kids have with their father.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • What a horrible situation for everyone....Especially the baby! What is the real problem here...a mother who is an addict....A father who is an addict or a Grandmother who cannot see their Grandchild. This baby needs a hero! Be a Grandparent and stand up for that child. If the parents are drug addicts and alcoholics ...should they even have custody of a baby>? I would not be concerned about making friends with my Daughter as much as I would be concerned about the safety of my Grandchild. You have a choice to make. Hopefully you will pick what is in the best interest of the child. Gather all of the solid evidence that you can, Phone calls, pictures, testimonies and then File for full custody!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • yes you should. Your daughter is working out her own issues with her dad. It has nothing to do with you. You may already know that kids of abusive parents still think they had something to do with what happened. She's probably trying to make sure Dad doesn't leave again. She probably knows you are stable and will always be there. I'm guessing her addiction is deep rooted and based on her relationship with him. It really doesnt make sense that kids (adult ones as well) and even abuse victims try to appease these guys but it happens. Separate your relationship with her with that with him. Love her for who she is. Leave the past in the past.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:36 AM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • One thing I remember when I first became a mother is some aged old advice from a trusted relative...she told me, that the way I'm holding my baby is the most delicate and loving way a mother can hold her child but in a blink of an eye, that same baby that you hold on to will be that same baby you'll hold in your heart when he grows up to be a man...that baby is 18 years old now and I'm carrying him in my heart despite the fact that he will not talk to me...so I know your position and I'm here to offer this advice...let her fly...allow her to reach for whatever it is out there that's keeping her addicted to drugs..intervention will not help her...nagging will not help her...self pitty will not help her...
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 1:00 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • cont - you must allow her to make her mistakes and be that shoulder she needs...because as sure as life spins its wheels, that same daughter will need the love and support from her mother...Also, the reason why she allows her child to see the grandfather and not you is due to the fact that he's also in the drug world and will not criticise or look down on what she's doing...Good luck...
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 1:01 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • Keep on trying to talk to her and see her..I have a daughter that won't speek to me too
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:44 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • keep trying to reach out to her -the last thing she needs is for her mom to give up on her.
    vakatia

    Answer by vakatia at 2:06 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • You know what, no matter what happens to our children, we love them despite what goes on in life. Just let her know,( text,voicemail, email, whatever,) that you love her and are there for her No matter what. It will come a day when she will pick up that phone just because.don't worry about the x, he will slip up and she will catch it.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 6:10 PM on Oct. 22, 2008

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