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2 Bumps

For a friend/dont' know what to tell her?

My friend is pregnant with her 1st child and is with a man that would rather drink all the time then pay bills....she has medical problems and should not be working and her so called boyfriend...ups a quites his job....she doesn't have anyone she could live with and her SO said if she leaves then he will not help her in any way with the child....She feels trapped in a sitution she does not want to be in...I've told her that she is not the only one and that it may be better for her to do it by herself....being she would be happier and not unhappy everyday but she contunies to stay....I know "you can lead a horse to water but not make them drink", but is there anything she can do? She is due any day now and has no idea what else to do....and the boyfriend is not the type anyone would want around there children...Not abusive but abuses other things....if you get what i am saying

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on Sep. 22, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • well first off...i wouldnt worry about him not wanting to help with the child. if she found a place to stay that goes by her budget..an apartment type, she could do so much. having custody will be one, have child support payment will help her live on her own, having help through the county to pay for daycare when she works, having help through the county if she qualifies for food support, these could help her for the time being if she's scared to do things on her own. i think she could be scared of being alone and doesnt know the first step into taking to do so.

    i think she needs to be remided that there is help out there for her and that she doesnt have to be so overwhelmed with taking too much on at one time like finding an apartment, leaving him, going to work, worrying about baby, finding a sitter, trying to pay her bills and so on. i think she's too scared to do anything herself. if your close, help her and remind her
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 12:24 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • she is experience verbal/emotional abuse, a form of domestic violence. there are places out there that help her get out safely. she should call 1800 799 SAFE to find a domestic violence agency close to her that will help her explore her options through counseling.
    rfurlongg

    Answer by rfurlongg at 12:25 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • I know exactly how she feels, I've been in a situation like this. Her best bet is to leave!!!! She may not having anyone to stay with but there are resources out there that will help her. She may not want to stay in a shelter but it is better than living with him. The best advice that I can give is to NOT put his name on the birth cert. That will haunt her down the road because he will then use the child against her. I would start getting online and finding resources for women in her type of situation. I can guarantee that if she stays it will only get worse!!! Good luck to you and your friend.
    Amanda_Jo1209

    Answer by Amanda_Jo1209 at 12:25 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • if your a close friend, tell her that you will help her any way you can and even go down to the courthouse to see if she qualifies might get the ball rolling and find out what they have to offer. She may in the back of her head, think...that she needs him to help her out with the baby and take care of the baby. there is so many options out there. but dont push her
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 12:28 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • This is abuse.
    I agree, she needs out and if she was my friend I would get her out.

    OMG !!!!!

    Tell her...DO NOT PUT HIS NAME ON Birth Ceritficate, That will give him Half rights to the baby......
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 1:10 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • i don't really quite "get" what you are saying - but, she is in a no-win situation - she would be better off to apply for welfare - get a place on her own - trash the b/f - get food stamps - wic program for baby - go to a place where maybe there is help out there for people in her situation - but she should definitely not let him near the baby or herself - he sounds like nothing but yesterday's bad news - maybe she could find a place where there are other single mothers and share space with them until she is able to put the baby in day care and get a job - it's a really hard place to find yourself - i hope she gets help from somebody ...
    kaysimon132461

    Answer by kaysimon132461 at 2:42 PM on Sep. 22, 2010