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2 Bumps

Favortism?

Do you notice favortism in your family? DH and I have noticed that his older brothers(the middle child in this case) gets a lot of favortism from his parents. Then with the grandchildren, it's probably the oldest grandchild (first child of the oldest child--she's 23) that gets the most favortism. Then after that I think it's split between my nephew and my grand-nephew. Oh but when the new great granddaughter (my great niece) is born in January, I think she will surpass EVERYBODY. My older brother (the middle child) was also favored by my parents. Anyway, this got me thinking, because I noticed this morning, that my MIL, whenever she sees one of her youngest grandchildren (my nephew in this case) or her great grandson, she's always posting something on FB about them, about what a great time she had with them, etc. But I can't recall the last time she did the same with my son. So I already see the lines of favortism there.

 
thatgirl70

Asked by thatgirl70 at 1:27 PM on Sep. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 27 (29,531 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Yes, I think that happens in every family, whether it's broadcast subtly or not, that's another story. My in-laws are horrible at hiding their favoritism within their own kids and also the grandkids, my family is a little more subtle at it, not that it's not there.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 1:31 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Absolutely. Two girls, four boys and my sister and I were clearly favored by my parents and grandparents. Now there's 9 grandchildren, 7 boys 2 girls, and the grand daughters are favored. One sibling and their kids are the most favored, in part because they've needed the most assistance from my parents. It's irked me CONSIDERABLY because I've fallen in favoritism as I've become more and more independent, not needing assistance. But I had a breakthrough the other day - the less I care about what my parents do and how they dote on that sibling, the happier I will be. Comparison only draws ire and at the end of the day the gifts to me, my husband and child are no less valuable because of the gifts to another sibling. I heard someone once say if you find yourself envying another, ask yourself if you would trade everything you have and are for everything they have and are. My answer is no.
    Stacia919

    Answer by Stacia919 at 1:59 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Yes, my HUSBAND, is the favorite of MY FAMILY... :( well my kids come first to my parents but still, everyone always talks to him, and hardly talk to me, its really annoying...I dont care that anyone pays attentions to the kids, i LOVE that my parents and extended family love my girls enough to show them equal attention, its just not so equal with my husband.
    anikahaynes1

    Answer by anikahaynes1 at 1:29 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • YES, my MIL has a favorite its my husbands brother. With the grandkids its his daughter! Its very annoying. In this family the more u do wrong the more they like u!
    greenbeanmoma

    Answer by greenbeanmoma at 1:30 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • well my sisters n i have been known to be favored by my grandma(moms mother) now my moms brothers daughters not so much, but its not because my grandmother wants to its mostly because we go visit her more often, clean her home, take her out to eat n stuff, my cousins only go make a mess n leave.
    gabby06

    Answer by gabby06 at 1:36 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Oh yeah. My DH shows favoritism towards his 2nd born, his only son. I get very upset about it because his 1st born, his 1st daughter, doesn't get the attention her brother gets. Add that his son is not only a picky eater but has somewhat of a aggression problem (like his dad). I've watched my husband (in abject horror) personally hand feed his son (who has no mental disabilities) because his son wont 'eat what we've made'. It sickens me and that is what we fight about 1/2 the time. Because I'm telling you what, he's not gonna do that to our daughter.
    Mrs.Halloween

    Answer by Mrs.Halloween at 1:40 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • i agree with amybaby that it happens in every family just some are better at hiding it then others :P my MIL favors my oldest dd the most but she was the first grandbaby and she and my MIL are pretty close so i don't really blame her for that, and if my younger two are around she gives them all equal attention, but she has asked to just have oldest dd over to visit and cook with her :P My parents have 6 grandkids now, my 3 and my niece and 2 nephews so they are pretty good about not showing favoritism but my sisters (the two without kids) seem to favor my neice and nephews more over my kids, but then again they live nearby so can do more stuff with them unlike with my kids :(
    DreainCO

    Answer by DreainCO at 1:48 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Yes, my DH is his mother's favorite and that make me the favorite dil. She is always tells the others in the family how great we are and that is very uncomfortable.
    jshimmy

    Answer by jshimmy at 1:51 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • I'm probably reading too much into it, except just that DH and I see the favortism heavily and sometimes it gets to us. I hope that if we're able to have another child, that we don't repeat the habit.
    thatgirl70

    Comment by thatgirl70 (original poster) at 1:29 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • I think as far as gifts, everything is pretty equal. They spend about the same amount of money and get the same amount of gifts for everybody (like for Christmas for instance, DH and his two brothers get at least 2-3 identical gifts--which might be a pair of pajamas and like last year, pocket knives), then a couples gift for us to share. So it's never been a matter of who gets the better gifts (in my family however, my older brother always got the better and most expensive gifts).

    I think it's more in attitude.
    thatgirl70

    Comment by thatgirl70 (original poster) at 2:07 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

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