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Have I already left, emotionally?

Me and my dh has been having problems from day one. Now I have two kids and am a SAHM. Sex has always been the biggest argument between us. A few months back I found objectionable anime porn on his history and I was ready to walk then but had no where to go. We've worked on some of the issues since then. He's working on his anger / frustration issues and spending more time with the kids. We also had a really bad moment of kink gone wrong. I don't trust him. I don't even think I love him anymore. Sex is becoming something I avoid with him. It feels just that we're having sex, not making love.

My thoughts are centered on living alone with my kids. Even as hard as that would be it's become my daydreams, my night dreams. I care for him. He is the father of my girls. But I know I'm not in love with him anymore. I don't know if that will ever come back. Has my heart already walked away? Does my feet have to follow my heart?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Sep. 22, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • you will know when you are done , and sounds like you are close to it , being alone may be hard for a while but you will feel better in the long run . im sure you will be much happier , change is good , being single is not bad either use that time for yourself , your personal goals , spending more time w friends , whatever . remember when one door closes another is opened. think of all the opportunities out there , other than wasting your time with sum 1 you dont love. good luck

    Answer by bekkaboo89 at 9:47 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Nobody can really answer this question but you. I can tell you this from experience (I've been married 26 years)...marriage is hard, and has much ebb and flow.....if both of you want to make it work, you can. Loss of trust is huge, but can slowly be rebuilt if you both are honest, caring, and work hard at it. Accepting each other as flawed human beings, but also accepting that you each have flaws that you need to work on is very important...something like a retrovaille weekend might help you (you can google and see if they have one in the is a catholic program, but anyone can go)...if one of you doesn't want to make it work, I would advise the other to just let them go and save both of you a lot of pain...If you do decide to leave, please get counselling anyway, so that you can parent your children together.

    Answer by Anna92464 at 2:20 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • if your heart already walked away from him then your feet will soon fallow also sweety ... i know case i did ..

    Answer by amyershoney at 2:11 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • same here with amyershoney's answer

    Answer by motherof4and2 at 2:17 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • You have made up your mind. "Hugs"

    Answer by sta517 at 2:20 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • We all go through phases in life where we find ourselves unstatisfied with what we were satified with. A relationship is hard work. You work hard as a team to maintain it and keep it going smoothly. You can stay or you can walk away. Its completely up to you. Has he cheated? Do you consider porn cheating? Some people dont simply because he is not having an actual connection with another person. Think and think hard, what is the underlying problem. What is making you not attracted to him in bed anymore? IS it something that you can spice up? What causes his anger issues?

    You say he is working onhis part, are you working on yours? Take a piece of paper adn write all of teh positive things that come to mind when you think of him then on th eother side of the paper, write the bad things that come to mind. If the good out-weighs the bad, then you already know. Think of your choices. Dont settle for less,

    Answer by RealestRican at 2:37 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • It sounds like you have left emotionally, but make sure you really want to before you follow through. To me I had to know I did everything I could to try and fix our marriage before I let it go and while I wasn't perfect I know I tried and it made it easier to move on. Good luck it's not an easy choice to make.

    Answer by jillybean703 at 3:05 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Has he cheated? Yes and No but it's too long to get into. Do I consider porn cheating? Not really. My problem with this porn is that it's not just any porn. It's lolicon porn. I'm a childhood sexual abuse survivor and I have strong boundaries with porn that comes close to the abuse that happened to me. And yes he's aware of my past and my feelings on that kind of porn. What is causing me to be not attractive to him anymore? I'm not sure I was ever physically attracted to him, but it was emotional. I'm tired of him. It's absolutely horrible to say but it's how I feel. I'm tired of dealing with him and his crap. What's cause is anger issues? I have no clue, truly. I think it's just him being an ass when he doesn't get his way. I've done the list. Three items in the positive and three pages in the negative. I wasn't in the best of moods when I worked on it. With my issues, I'm communicating more and not holding in much.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:21 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Yes, you sound like me. I was emotionally and physically removed as well. I'm happier without all his crap.

    Answer by rio_burb at 3:40 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Yes only you know what is best for you and your girls, follow your heart. It will be hard and painful but if its what you feels is best it will be worth it in the end.

    Answer by rebelchickrocks at 4:01 PM on Sep. 22, 2010