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2 Bumps

How Do you Handle An Argument Cause im on my last string..?

When My Boyfriend and I get into an arguement i have the tendency of not letting him leave the place at which the arguement accurse..the reason for this is i dont like him to leave me upset.. Honestly i feel he runs from serious situations cause he cant face the arguement or doesnt want to talk things thru..another reason why i dont like him to leave is because young men have a tendency of doing stupid things when they are upset from drinking crazy amounts of liquor (substance abuse) to having meaningless sex with another individual..so i usually what he calls charge him and block his path which ends up getting a little physical on his part and mine..When you and your SO get into it what do you usually do? if You are giving me advice coming from a long lasting relationship keep in mind im wondering what you did in the begining only because im on 1yr into this relationship and want a long lasting one.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Sep. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • If your bf is trying to walk away from a heated situation so he can cool off then you should let him.
    Syphon

    Answer by Syphon at 3:58 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • If you're fighting is that heavy only a year into the relationship it sounds like you might want to do a serious evlauation of your individual mental and emotional health.

    At only one year, you barely know each other, and based on what you've posted it sounds like it may not be a good fit.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 3:58 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • well hun sounds like you need to sit down and try and talk out your problems with your boyfriend. I know what you mean about they do stupid things when they are upset but most guys don't like to talk about things , so they either walk away or fight. and the best thing you can to is walk away and go chill out for a few mins and then go back and try and talk it through. cause i have tried that and it seems to work for me. and i got out of a bad deal with an ex and that was more then i could handle cause that was abuse everyday and now that i am married for the first time its hard for me to trust him cause of everything that i've been through. but just try sitting down and talking with your hunny and then go from there. but it should never get physcial with each other ok
    missroo85

    Answer by missroo85 at 3:58 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • with me and my husband I learned just to back up for a while and think about what is going on. After a while we talk by texting to each other so we don't he the tones in our voices. But I trust him not to cheat or drink because we are upset with each other. that seems kinda childish and if i did not trust him we would not be together.

    mpactem

    Answer by mpactem at 3:59 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Me personally.
    We do not have (and we have been married 25 years) arguements that are that intense and have not for many years now.
    If when we did. I would never prevent my husband from walking away or leaving an arguement just because of how it made me feel. Restricting him and his feelings because I felt my took priority would have made the arguements much much worse, and caused much harsher (harder to repair feelings) between the 2 of us.

    Over the years.We have learned that for us, the calmer, the more rational, the more logical, and the more respectful we are of one anothers feelings during a disagreement. The quicker, easier the disagreement is resolved. And the final conclusion is one that we both agree with and feel good with./about. Fussing and fighting, one of us trying to be in/take control etc.. Would not accomplish those things for us.. For us, maturity, understanding and good communication is the way to go
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:03 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • IDK what to tell you. When my hubby and I first got married, almost 15 years ago, we fought all the time. He was 21 and I was 20. He didn't go drink, or go have sex. I agree with PP, maybe you need to re-evaluate yourself, your BF and your relationship. My hubby isn't perfect, he's got his, John-ism's. But, I brought my baggage. I tested him, lots. Honestly, meds for bipolar REALLY did wonders. Who the hell knows why we didn't get divorced years ago. But we didn't. I guess we are just meant to be.
    IDK what ya'll are fighting about. If alcohol is a factor during the fights. If cheating is. What is. But this is a new relationship still. And at the rate it's going, without something done, it's not gonna go the right direction. If talking doesn't really work, because excitability is a factor, write in notebooks to each other. But you need to consider maybe he's not right for you, if you are on your last string so early on.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 4:08 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • certainly doesn't sound the the family type if he can't handle an argument.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 4:08 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • if your bf is pron to acting like you said drinking huge amounts or having sex with random people i would rethink being in a relationship with someone like that, that might cut back on the amount of arguments. doesn't sound like a healthy relationship in the first place. having mutual respect and being mature so that you can recognize each other feelings is whats going to make your relationship and communication therein easier.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:10 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • "young men"? How old are you? And are you really talking about your boyfriend or your son?
    coder_chick

    Answer by coder_chick at 4:11 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • It honestly looks like you may be projecting your personal experiences and fears onto him(drinking, sex with another girl etc.). You can't control the situation. Men need space and time to think. Do you think he's going to be enlightened by getting in his face? Allowing him to think, act, and feel how he chooses will give you some peace of mind. You will make yourself crazy trying to make him see your point.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 4:20 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

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