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I don't know what to do I just found out for a fact that my fiances mom had sexual relations with him when he was young?

I have a child with him it makes me not want to touch him but I know it for a fact because she told me he said he don't remember it could he have just blocked it out? I don't know If I can sleep with him again. Help me please

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Sep. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • So, his mom did that to him and you don't want to touch him? That seem rude and unfair and wrong. You should try to help him and support him, not treat him like a leper for what his mom did. If he doesn't remember, he possibly blocked it or she is lying.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 4:31 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Your fiance willingly had sex with his mother? How old was he? Please correct me if I am wrong.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 4:31 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • So you are blaming your fiance for his sick mother having sexual relations with him? Sounds like the mother is the one who is messed up.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 4:32 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • why would that make you not want to touch him? he's the victim, not you and it seems that you're trying to make this about you. you found out your husband was molested you're supposed to support him. i feel like you're handling this the wrong way

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Now, if he did willingly do it and his mother took advantage of him, I wouldn't blame your fiance. I would never go around his mother again and I certainly wouldn't allow my child around her. She sounds disturbed anyways.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 4:32 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • I would seek theraopy in this case. For him and you together. This is something you may have to worry about. I have heard that mental problems like these (his mother) can be passed on to their children. Have caution and get both of you some help.

    Answer by Alysa505 at 4:33 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • I'm not really sure what to say, I'm sorry that she told this and its causing such confusion and emotion. I'm sure I would feel disgusted and unable to touch my SO as well. Why would she come clean and tell you this? Not that it matters I guess, but wow. It is possible that he doesn't remember, some people do block out those kinds of memories to protect themselves, or he could be ashamed and embarassed and not want to admit it.
    I'm so sorry, I would suggest maybe personal counseling to learn how to cope and deal with all the feelings you must be going through. I honestly have no idea how I would deal with it.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:33 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • * didn't willingly *

    Answer by matthewscandi at 4:34 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • Why does her actions, her wrong doing, make you feel this way about your fiance'?
    What she did is on her. He was a victim of her actions. Why have ill feelings towards him due to her actions?

    He may very well not remember. Depending on the age that he experienced this, how his mother treated him, and how his own brain has chosen to deal with such an episode. Many people do not remember traumatic incidents in their lives, it's their brains way of "protecting" them from that trauma.

    If I were your. I would take this in a group of steps.. Step 1) Figure out Why I'm feeling awkward or uneasy towards him when he was the victim.... Step 2) deal with the base reason why I'm feeling this way... Step 3) evaluate whether or not I can continue the relationship... Step 4) If I can continue the relationship without feeling awkward towards him, learn how I can help him to deal with this when he is ready to.


    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:35 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

  • And another thing, how do you know for a FACT? Where you there? Did you WITNESS this? It very well have happened but you do not know for a FACT...just by hearsay.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 4:36 PM on Sep. 22, 2010

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